Thoughts of a second...

As we decided to do our IVF cycle, we always said it was a "one-time" thing. And thank God it worked, as we now have our precious bub. Keeping in mind we said "one-time" I've given away a ton of his baby clothes already, sold my maternity clothes, etc. But now that he's getting close to a year (8 months already & yes I realize I'm a horrid blogger), we keep throwing around mention of a sibling for lil J. I have always wanted more than one child, and while I think lil J is awesome-sauce (and then some), I would so love for him to have a sibling. And honestly, I don't feel that I'm "done" having kids yet, whatever that means. I rather liked being pregnant, and a new squishy baby would be awesome. But then two carseats, daycare for two. More mental strain, bc hey, those first few months were NOT great for any of us.

Of course, trying for a sibling means dipping into the LOC for fundage & riding the whole IVF rollercoaster again. Before we do that tho, there are a few things that would need to happen first though, namely lose some weight (like 50 lbs, ideally more) & talk to my dr & clinic on timeline, as i'm 35.5 now, and the longer we wait, the worse the odds get. I would think that cycling next summer (June-July as cycle 0) would be best, but that could be moving a bit quickly. And then with cycling comes all the other logistics - work, kidlet, etc. I think I would ask my mom or sis to come out to help Joel-wrangle during ER/ET/start of 2ww, as he would be 18-ish months next summer... I would take vacay at work because "family's in town" and not let everyone at work know abt IVF... We'd probably look at moving too... As much as I like our house, It's not great for having a newborn, imo. Especially if I have to have another C-section (which I'm leaning towards, and which hubs & I have talked abt a few times...)

But who knows? Maybe this is all just a pipe dream. Maybe Joel will be our one & only, but I'd like to know we gave it a shot at giving him a sibling, regardless of the cost (mentally & financially).

Six months already..

Dear Mr Moo...

I can't believe that you are already six months old. How time flies!! You're growing so much every day.. You love playing with your toes, and splashing in the tub. Your smile can light up a room, and you love it when people sing or talk to you. You're such a little charmer - everyone's little buddy.

You're not quite sitting up yet, but I'm sure you will be in no time. And then crawling and walking.. your back and legs are strong already, so I'm guessing it really won't be long before you hit the ground running.You will (usually) sleep for a good 5-hour stretch at night, then get up for a bottle & sleep in 3ish hour stints, but Grandma Gina says I didn't sleep much as a baby either, so I guess this is payback ;)

As far as official measurements go... you were 7 lbs even when you were born, and today 19lb3oz (75th %ile) . 20.5" at birth, and 28" now - 90th %ile! Methinks you'll be tall like Grandpa Tom & Uncle Addy! You weathered today's shots like a pro - even the doctor was impressed! The promise of your soother & a bottle was enough to keep the tears from really flowing.

Thank you for joining our little family, we are so lucky to have you in our lives.
Love always,
Mama

Happy Mother's Day!

wow. my first mother's day as an actual mom. Who knew we'd ever get here? Two years ago I was super bitter at the whole concept, this time last year, we started the day at the clinic bright & early for monitoring & ended the day with the trigger shot. this year, we have a beautiful son to show for our labors (hah).

I was sitting in his room last night, rocking the little sicko to sleep (he's got a cold)... the lights were off, and the window was open a bit so we could hear the peepers and some light rain outside, and it was just perfect. I wish there was a life-cam that i could've taken a still shot with. It was one of those moments that to me was very mom-zen. And that moment, although I love my grass green tuk-tuk to death, that moment was the greatest mother's day gift of them all.

To those of you who are still waiting to be moms, huge hugs.

First day home alone..

well, alone with Mr. Joel, and we've survived! In addition to mere survival, I've swiffered & steam mopped the main floor, made bottles, sorted a whole shwack of mail, had a shower & gave tub & sinks a good swish, cleaned cat litter (which, after 10 months of doing is a bit extra-disgusting...), did dishes, spent over 30 minutes on the phone with EI re: my sick/mat leave claim, changed a bum or two :P, did some tidying & straightening and spent time snuggling & lovin my baby boy (oh, and I played a bunch of Angry Birds while he slept in my arms. Shoot me). Baby boy is extra sleepy today, hence getting stuff done. But now that I know i *can* get stuff done while he sleeps (and he slept through a chair falling while he napped 10 ft away), hopefully this will continue to motivate me to keep the place a bit straighter. Today's motivator of course is that my mother will be arriving in Halifax in about two hours (YAY!), so the place needed a bit of sprucing up :P

best birthday gift ever

I just changed the stinky butt of my best birthday gift ever (again... takes a bit longer to write a post these days...)

when i was younger, and oh-so-naïve (ooh! umlauts!!) I swore I'd be "done having kids by the time I was 30. I [didn't] want to be an old mom..." well, thanks to infertility & not being married til close to 30, I had to change that to "i want to be a mom by 35.." and because Nommer was early, I'm almost a month into being a mom today, my 35th birthday...


So hard to believe that after years of hurry up & wait, that this perfect little dude would come & change our lives forever. And in time for my birthday - thank you baby, for making this dreama reality :)

mom guilt - i haz it

so, we're 17 days into this parenting thing, and just as with the birth (which yes, i'll finish that story up soon), things are going well, but we've modified our "plan" a bit..

I'm breastfeeding and pumping (and have a scrip for domperidone), but Joel also gets formula. Gobbles it down. I don't know of he's just not getting my hindmilk, or what, but he lurves his little bottles. cool. a bit of mom guilt on the formula front? yup.

we gave him a soother tonight.. 17 days with a soother already is probably going to eff up what bf relationship we had, but he would not soothe otherwise. Well, sucking my finger for hours at a time also worked, but it's a bit limiting. so soother guilt - yup, got that too.

i have also put him in the playpen - excuse me, playyard- on his tummy a few times. and know what? he sleeps a lot better than on his back, as recommended. going to mom hell? looks like it.

i know that the only things that matter are that he's loved (he very much is) & that he's growing/developing normally. which, according to the dr he also is. regained his birth weight even... but i still feel like i'm doing him a disservice with everything. but i don't want to starve him, etc, hence the mom guilt.

and wow, only 17 days and i feellike this - what will the next 17 yrs bring???