Seriously?

Canadian MDs consider denying fertility treatments to obese women

I mean, the struggle with infertility is just a series of knives through the heart, so why not stab some of us again?

I admit it, I'm fat. You've seen pics, you know it's the truth. And so as a fat person who has undergone IVF, this hits home.

Many things ran through my head when I first read this article, but it kinda came down to this - it's always the woman's fault. What about those of us who are overweight/obese/just-plain-fat but still ovulate? What if our husbands/dads-in-waiting are the ones with the "issue"? We weren't dealing with a case of "fat factor infertility" but MALE factor infertility. Me losing 20-50-100 lbs wouldn't have changed the fact that hubs has crappy sperm. Hell, my blood pressure dropped significantly for a portion of my pregnancy. Yes, I got pre-eclampsia at the end, but know what? so do people of "normal weight" - not just pregnant fatties.

The first time we met with Dr. H at our clinic, she had barely introduced herself and said "you've got to lose some weight." She hadn't even sat down. Same woman offended me during ET last year by implying that my legs were too heavy for the stirrups (a nurse stood up for me and shot that back down). So ya, I'm not horribly shocked by the article, but still. I can't imagine how fast my jaw would've dropped had my clinic taken this stance. "Nope, sorry. We'd love to take your money & help you have a child & the family you've always wanted, but you're too FAT. "

I've said it before, I'll say it again, sizeism is the last acceptable form of discrimination. Paired with infertility is a double dose of suck. Seriously, what's next - will fat people having sex be illegal "just in case" they get pg? Puh-leeze.

And hand me a twinkie. Fat girl's gotta eat.

Touching base... and a link for y'all to check out.

hey ladies :) Sorry for not keeping in touch lately. Things have been going rather well - not overly nauseous, not horribly tired as EVERYONE said I would be.My boobs are growing (finally... only waited 35 years to have a decent rack), i'm bloating a bit & had to buy mat pants about a week ago, and have had a few odd cravings (spaghetti bolognese or Mushroom Fried Rice anyone?), but honestly, I've felt pretty damn good. I'm happy. My RMT told me that I ... "look happy. There used to be a sadness, and now it's gone" (and that was before beta even!).

Our u/s for 'counting the babies' is on tuesday, and both J & I are looking SO forward to it. Like I've told mom, I will be more surprised if there is only one baby than if there are two, but we'll see. Other than 'litter theory', I have really nothing to base my theories on, but we'll see. Speaking of the u/s - there are only a few days left to vote in the polls to the right if you haven't already done so. As of this morning, there have been 16 votes for how many - only two of you have thought it's a singleton, so looks like I'm not in the minority thinking it's a couple babies :) Thankfully, no one has voted "OTHER", and for that, I love y'all even more. As for the twin breakdown, 10/12 think it's boy/girl. I'd love a girl, J'd love a boy, this would please everyone. But seriously, "as long as they're healthy" is all that matters.

In parting, please check out Murgdan's thoughts on "Leaving" IF .. this post, (and her intro post from her other blog "you can check out anytime you like...") really hit home. And they go back to what I was saying in my last post. just because I'm pregnant now, it doesn't negate any of our struggles from the past 4-5 years.

Anyway, I promise to post on Tuesday sometime after the u/s!

Happy Mother's Day

nothing like getting up at 630 in the morning on Mother's Day to go have blood drawn...  We got to the clinic around 730, and by the time the nurse showed up, there were 5 of us (plus asst'd hubbies) waiting to get in. busy busy day at the clinic. When we got in for my bloods, the nurse said I would most likely be triggering tonight, and ER would be 9am Tuesday. TUES.DAY. Can you believe it?

I just reread my post from this time last year, and I'm happy I'm in a better place right now. Hopefully next year's post will be written while our 3month old is sleeping...

I'll end today's post with a great quote from Nia Vardalos' article on Mother's Day...

A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina and she asks you to cut the cord. Then, and only then, may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.

Nat. Infertility Awareness Week

Today is the first day of NIAW. There has been a movement on Twitter to try and make #infertility a trending topic today... while there's been many tweets made, unfortunately infertility didn't make it, but I think the event was still a success. I 'met' a lot of IFers whose journeys I am now following, and will be supporting them all the way.

Some of the tweets that I connected the most with....

• If someone you love is struggling with #infertility, just LISTEN. Don't give advice; give love.
• Once you start *really* listening, it's amazing how many people struggle with #infertility.  
• Loss of intimacy. Loss of privacy. Sometimes loss of faith
• What if adoption wasn't the answer every1 gives 4 #infertility? Nothing wrong w/ adoption but it's only 1 option-don't dismiss our feelings
• A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
• I will not let #infertility take my hope. I WILL be a mother.
• I have 5-6 less FB friends since posting about #infertility.. you can post your uterus pics & I can't talk about IF? 

And something that I want to check out another night... Project IF (Part 2). Anyone can participate - IF or not! Check it out :)

In other news, I got a care package in the mail today from a good friend. It had a super cute springy purse & some Smarties - my comfort chocolate o' choice. It must've killed her to buy the smarties, as she's got a more refined palette than I, but she's an awesome friend, so went with what I like. I'm so lucky to have great friends, especially at times like this.

Infertility Awareness Week articles...

Here are some articles about Infertility Awareness Week, which starts Monday..

Celebrating Infertility Awareness Week
Infertility? You are Blessed

This quote from the 2nd article really struck me...

So, when you want a child and can’t conceive one, can’t carry one to term, can’t imagine another cycle but can’t imagine giving up… how exactly is the glass half-full?

If you have a loving, supportive spouse, you are blessed... If someone outside your marriage is encouraging you, you are blessed...  If you can afford ART, you are blessed.

Especially after the anxiety attack(s) today, I have to remember that. i DO have a loving supporting spouse, we DO have (many) outside my marriage encouraging me, we ARE able to  afford a round of ART when many can't. I have to remember these things. I am blessed. And I thank you readers for the support you've given me over the many many moons that our IF journey has spanned.

Circle + Bloom...

I'll apologize in advance for the rambly post, it's just how my brain works these days.

A while back now, I was on Fertility Chick's blog, and she mentioned that she'd been listening to Circle + Bloom's cycle-specific meditation tracks. I was intrigued, so I checked out the website, and downloaded the free 30-minute session for myself. I put the mp3 on my iPhone (which charges beside my bed at night anyway) and threw it on replay when I went to bed. I was in LURVE. The session completely blissed me out, and I was pretty close to asleep by the end of the first run-through. I chose to download the full 30-session set after only a few days of the free session. Then I befriended the owner (Joanne) on Twitter, and ended up becoming a beta tester for their IVF/IUI program! As it turned out, when I downloaded the full program, CD1 was just around the corner and I didn't know about the beta testing yet. These both happened shortly thereafter, so I haven't listened to the non-IVF program much, but I've liked the tracks I did listen to. They're all pretty much between 15 & 20 minutes in length - combination of music, guided visualization, relaxation principles, etc. Very zen... just what a girl needs when faced with crazy stress of IVF!

For more info on Circle + Bloom, check out this press release that appeared in a number of US newspapers last week.

two two.. TWO posts in one!

AKA injection training & a video clip (NOT of injection training).


We had our appointment at the clinic, and all in all, it went well.. I voiced my concerns about cysts, and the nurse said it's really not much of a concern for them. the suprefact should taken care of anything little, and if there are larger cysts, they'll drain them before getting too far into the stims. so *shrug* I dunno. they're cool with it. I guess I have to be too. Paid too much to NOT trust them, right?

Anyway, after going through the process, she showed us hwo to do the mixing of drugs, and i injected 1ml of saline into my belly... so i can do it! I was pretty nervous (both the nurse & J commented on how nervous I looked) but I did it. And really, I have 3 weeks before i start stims (if the downreg is clear...) so I can play with the saline (they gave me a kit to just 'play with' - no meds, just qcap & saline, etc) and get used to handling the needles & such. All told, it's 12ish days of stims, I can DO this.

Found out that my initial stims dose will be 2x75 bravelle, and 1x75 repronex.... is this average? normal?what was your dose if you've done IVF?


And for part 2 of the post - a couple of articles from twitter today. Well, they're from MSNBC, but I found the link on twitter. THe first is a segment from some portion of today's TODAY show, and the second link is more info on the reporter's struggle with IF. The video segment is pretty bang on, and even though i haven't gone through any of the treatments (yet), it still rang quite true. Thoughts?
MSNBC video clip Psychological impact of infertility

Infertility FAIL... x2

First up, this little nugget was spotted on the FB Fan page for '999 reasons to laugh at infertility' (click to enlarge pic - AND, see how good I was to mask the dumbass fertile's identity? I rock...)

Maybe it's just me, but when I read this, it seems as if she got pg a few months of getting off BCP. Well yay for you! Was it the Metformin? No one will ever know. I sure as hell didn't want to be reading this on an infertility humor site. Yes, please count yourself among us infertiles. You had such a struggle. Bitch.

Second... I (along with a number of my friends, fertiles & infertiles alike) received an email this evening that appears to be from Shoppers Drug Mart, informing me that I have won a subscription to Today's Parent magazine. oooh my blood was boiling. This is the second time that SDM has pulled this kinda FAIL... a few years ago I received a sample diaper in the mail. SDM got an ear-full then, and they will get one again now. I believe that the email is actually spam (phished, really - it looked quite realistic... don't worry, I didn't click anything in it), but still, I emailed the company to let them know what happened, and that I was very unhappy to receive this 'offer'. I am not a member of their Very Important Babies program, nor did I enter a contest for a subscription to a parenting magazine back in JANUARY. Yes, the contest I apparently won ended back in February or something absurd.

BAH. makes me blood boil. And to the friend on FB who clicked "like" after I posted about the 'win' - just get a clue, PLEASE? Please?

Two local articles...

Found these in the local (online version) paper this morning...

InVitro 'like PMS times 100'
Window of Opportunity

I totally agree that IVF should have some gov't coverage, especially in cases like ours where it's a fix for MFI.

Great article - Life after Infertility

Just finished reading a great article about Life after Infertility. So much of what she wrote rings true, and we haven't moved past infertility yet - still struggle on some level from day to day to day.

in other news, I'm feeling ok. Had some biopsy-area irritation when I actually tried exercising yesterday, so I will be taking it easy for today. I'm at work (gasp - seems like I'm not here more than I am lately), but y'know, taking it easy :P I think I'm O'ing, so will make an appt to see the RE in a few weeks from now for the hysteroscopy/biopsy/possible IVF follow-up appt. If we are given the green light, we could start meds by the end of next month, and ER/ET would be a few weeks later. Still time for me to go home and give my parents the best xmas gift ever - the BFP announcement... here's hoping...

So close...

Check out tertia's blog So Close - Life after Infertility. She's a great blogger and has some wicked posts on her sidebar for dealing with infertility. One is entitled "How to be Good Friends with an Infertile'. Read it. Pass it along (giving credit where it's due!!). Not saying you're not all fab friends, because you are, but still. There's always stuff to be learned from posts like that.

i will return later with a more blathery post. (aren't y'all lucky???)

British couple denied adoption due to weight.

British Couple declared too fat to adopt

This article was posted on one of my boards today, and just gives me the rage for that couple (and anyone else who's faced size-ism). I was even pushed to comment directly on the blog in response, and I was pretty calm about it. I wasn't quite as reserved on the board (closed community), but it just hits SO close to home. So close. I can't count the number of times the phrase "if you'd just lose xxx lbs" has been mentioned to me. I know I need to lose weight, TYVM. Stop stating the obvious... Bah.

Makes me blood boil

Octuplet's mom inks book & reality TV deal.

oh. my. nerves!!!!! I knew it'd happen eventually, but those poor, exploited children. I'm speechless. Speechlessssss....