Thoughts of a second...

As we decided to do our IVF cycle, we always said it was a "one-time" thing. And thank God it worked, as we now have our precious bub. Keeping in mind we said "one-time" I've given away a ton of his baby clothes already, sold my maternity clothes, etc. But now that he's getting close to a year (8 months already & yes I realize I'm a horrid blogger), we keep throwing around mention of a sibling for lil J. I have always wanted more than one child, and while I think lil J is awesome-sauce (and then some), I would so love for him to have a sibling. And honestly, I don't feel that I'm "done" having kids yet, whatever that means. I rather liked being pregnant, and a new squishy baby would be awesome. But then two carseats, daycare for two. More mental strain, bc hey, those first few months were NOT great for any of us.

Of course, trying for a sibling means dipping into the LOC for fundage & riding the whole IVF rollercoaster again. Before we do that tho, there are a few things that would need to happen first though, namely lose some weight (like 50 lbs, ideally more) & talk to my dr & clinic on timeline, as i'm 35.5 now, and the longer we wait, the worse the odds get. I would think that cycling next summer (June-July as cycle 0) would be best, but that could be moving a bit quickly. And then with cycling comes all the other logistics - work, kidlet, etc. I think I would ask my mom or sis to come out to help Joel-wrangle during ER/ET/start of 2ww, as he would be 18-ish months next summer... I would take vacay at work because "family's in town" and not let everyone at work know abt IVF... We'd probably look at moving too... As much as I like our house, It's not great for having a newborn, imo. Especially if I have to have another C-section (which I'm leaning towards, and which hubs & I have talked abt a few times...)

But who knows? Maybe this is all just a pipe dream. Maybe Joel will be our one & only, but I'd like to know we gave it a shot at giving him a sibling, regardless of the cost (mentally & financially).

one year...

This time last year I was about 12 hours past having taken my Bravelle & Repronex shot (see "stimulated"...), and we were into the "crunch time" for the ivf. the regular monitoring, testing, etc ). How times have changed. Now i'm watching a cute lil man smack the zebra & elephant on his bouncy chair, and man, he just gets smarter & smarter every day. I heart him - such a little lovey man. I'll share his four month (!!!) pics on Wednesday. Promise.

Trigger is out of my system

BFN - but that's ok. This time.

As i was saying in my last post, as i was laying in bed last night, i could feel some weird niggly feelings in the ovary/ uterus region (at least i think so). I'm no stranger to food-related stomach issues, and it wasn't that, so who knows. Is gonna be a loooooong wait between now & beta day. 12 more days - yikes...

Eeek.

I feel crampingish twinges in the vicinity of lefty. Could it be?????
Did ivf truly work??

I broke down

Fyi : 2-pks of pee sticks are on sale at Shoppers. 2-2pks are an even better deal. I can't resist a deal (see where this is going?)

Yup, i bought pee tests, even though i swore i wouldn't. I'll test when i getup in the middle of the night, and then, i dunno. I realize any + i get now is trigger, that's cool. Or that it could be a neg right now. That's ok too. It won't be two weeks from now, but at this point, am ok.

In other news, i had coffee (well, iced tea) with another girl from our clinic who has been cycling at the same time. We did our ERs the same day, and her blasts made it to 5dt. It was great to chat with someone who was going thru the same things, dealing with the same ppl, etc. We ended up having a lot in common - both relocated prairie girls (she's from Regina/edmonton), same dates, etc. We may meetup again next week, see how 2ww is going, etc.

I may go crazy...

About this time last week I injected 10000 IU of HCG into my body as my trigger shot. According to this article, the HCG will still be in my system for up to 14 days from the time of shot... so no testing until next Sunday/Monday at the earliest. My beta (quantitative bloodtest) is scheduled for 2 weeks from tomorrow. I have no pee sticks in the house, and plan to keep it that way...

However i have been feeling a bit nauseous these last few days, and with all my being hope it's a pg thing. I know it's too early to be feeling anything, the doodles are still floatin around in the uterus, lookin for a place to hang for the next 9 months or so.  If I am already feeling things (or so I think), what the hell does that mean for later in the 2.5ww?

ETA: i am also taking progesterone & estrogen for embryo support, so really, i guess it could be anything. But oh how the mind likes to play games....

best words of advice...

from a friend in TX - "rest? YES. Dream? YES. You are going to be the BME (best mom ever). LET someone take care of you."  ♥♥♥

and that's kinda the plan. i'm off work until next wednesday, and just going to lay low & take it easy. we'll go out to see friends tonight, and i have acu tomorrow afternoon. 

PUPO!

Our transfer was this morning, and it went fairly well. My first question for the embryologist was "how're the little ones doing" and she told me that they had both divided. One was 6-cell, one was 8-cell. Both had some fragmentation (over 10%), so they were graded as 16/20. because of the fragmentation, we were told that they would not survive freezing well, so we decided to transfer both back.

So, as of about 10 am this morning, I'm PUPO. For those of you not up on the lingo, that's Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. My beta (blood test) is May 31 - 17dp3dt. I know, you're like "wtf". 17dp3dt is pretty easy to explain. it's 17 Days Past 3 Day Transfer. from what I've read, most clinics don't wait that long, but i guess ours does. oh well.

here's a neat chart from IVF.ca, showing due dates (Jan 31 - wooo!), trimester dates, etc. sorry if it's a bit hard to read. It's based on our retrieval date, which for all intents & purposes was ovulation, and counted as 2weeks (even though it'd been 3 wks since CD1).

yay for cell division!

I spoke to the clinic about an hour ago - we have 2-4 cell embryos!! There is a bit of fragmentation, but the embryologist said they looked good. They gave us the option of a 5-day transfer, but given that there are only 2, we will stick with a day 3 transfer. So, tomorrow at 930 we'll be back at the clinic for transfer.

EEEK. cannot believe it's here.

If you want to check out what embies the same age as ours are at, here's a neat link showing almost hour-by-hour development & division... For your viewing pleasure, I've started it at four-cell, just like ours were when i got the call...

and then there were 2...

I spoke with the embryologist about an hour ago... of the 8 eggs, 5 were injected. And of those, 2 have fertilized. well, three did, but the 3rd is abnormal, so nada. So there's two. We'll do a day three transfer of both embryos (if they make it to Friday), and hope for the best. THat's all you cna do, right? I had my requisite freak out earlier, but i'm doing ok now. i've booked my pre-transfer acu session for tomorrow morning, and have one for saturday afternoon all set up.

For those of y'all not in the know about ivf & such - here's an article explaining day 3 v day 5 transfers...

In related 'news', we received an amazing gift yesterday from a bunch of friends from far and wide. There was flowers, cupcakes, gift cards for dinner, a gift cert for a mani & pedi, ice cream, a nice mug... all kinds of stuff in it. It was really quite overwhelming, just knowing how much love there is coming to us from all corners of this country.

To everyone, thank you for your support. I really do have the best friends.

home again...

well, we're home already... We got to the clinic around 745, and i was back in recovery 2 hours later. details are sketchy, but it really didn't take that long from what i can remember. good pain meds, and i was drifting in/out. but they got 8 eggies, so i'm really happy with that. they'll do ICSI this afternoon with them, and then tomorrow we'll get hte fertilization report. We should be able to go to a 5 day transfer (sunday)...

Due to my blood pressure, RE is recommending we don't go with a twin pregnancy (so SET - single embryo transfer), but i don't know.  I would feel better transferring two, but J & I still have to make that decision. Also on the "shit to talk about' list - freezing extras. Mr. Science is not sure if he wants to go that route, but I figure if we only transfer one, we really really should do freezing. if we transfer two, different story.

anyway, dr. jamie is saying it's time for my nap. thanks so much for all your support. It means so much to both of us.

Happy Mother's Day

nothing like getting up at 630 in the morning on Mother's Day to go have blood drawn...  We got to the clinic around 730, and by the time the nurse showed up, there were 5 of us (plus asst'd hubbies) waiting to get in. busy busy day at the clinic. When we got in for my bloods, the nurse said I would most likely be triggering tonight, and ER would be 9am Tuesday. TUES.DAY. Can you believe it?

I just reread my post from this time last year, and I'm happy I'm in a better place right now. Hopefully next year's post will be written while our 3month old is sleeping...

I'll end today's post with a great quote from Nia Vardalos' article on Mother's Day...

A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina and she asks you to cut the cord. Then, and only then, may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.

Weekend Update..

..with Seth Myers. I kid, I kid. how awesome would that be, anyway? :P

Anyway.

We were at hte clinic bright and early (before the nurse - oops!), and had the bw & u/s... blood level (E2) came back at 9100, more than double Thursday's value, and follies were looking good. Average is about 19mm - one's over 20mm and one's almost 23mm... I am to take one more day of stims & Suprefact, and the nurse was QUITE sure I'll be triggering tomorrow night. Which puts ER for Tuesday, and ET either Friday or Sunday. either way, J won't have left for TO yet, so that's a relief. I'm just trying to figure out which days to take off - Tues/Wed & Mon/Tues or ???

Left ovary is still behind the uterus, so it's really hard to get a good number from there. The nurse assured me I'll get drugs for ER, and that there will most likely be a bunch of follies on Lefty they haven't been able to get a view of once they go in for ER. Phew.

Regardless, things are moving ahead. Cannot believe it. EEEEEK. :D

Update! (updated the update, hah)

Just got in from my monitoring appt, and things are looking good. Lining was nice and thick, (at least) 5 follies on the right and 3 on the left. Lefty was kinda hiding behind the uterus, so OW. But really. Not too bad. The follies she measured were on average 15-17mm, so things are looking GREAT. Based on my E2 today (Monday was 1100), the nurse expects I'll go back in for a scan & bw on sat or sun, and trigger will likely be sometime this weekend! Squeeee!

Holy crap it's almost here. (where's the shocked emoticon guy?)

Updated...
Nurse has already called back (!!) - E2 is 4100, so up nicely.. I'm in for bw & us on Sat and probably trigger on the weekend!!

Also, had stim-protocol acu last night, and it was so weird. Good weird, but still. For the first time in the 1.5 years I've done acu, they were all in my back (with exception of one in my calf, and one at the ankle, per leg). Guess something's working. Squeeeee!

Downreg...

I survived the wanding and bloodwork, but it was an experience for sure. I was quite dehydrated, so it was super hard to get any blood out of my veins. Like, multiple pokes, and a total of 1/2 vial. Oops? Then the u/s showed… you guessed it… a 2cm fluid-filled cyst on righty. (Did I not call that??)
So, not sure what will happen next. Three scenarios..
1) stay on same dose of suprefact for another week, and redo downreg next week/start stims next week
2) start stims tomorrow as planned
3) come in later this week to have cyst drained, and start stims ???
I will find out later today what the plans are.. I'll keep you posted of course...

ETA - my Estrogen levels were high (it was only day 13 of Suprefact, technically), so another week of snortage, and we'll redo the downreg us & bw next wednesday, with stims hopefully starting the next day. I know it's only another week, and in the scheme of things it's not that long, but i am SO bummed. i've almost been in tears a few times today. not cool...

Not much to report...

Today was day 11 of suprefact, and meh, not much to report. 5 snorts of nasal spray a day (per nostril) and so far so good I suppose. The stuff tastes like CRAp when it runs into my throat, but honestly it could be so much worse. I've had my usual PMS symptoms lately (ie more tired & bitchy-er than usual), but no period yet. I was told I'd get DGT around day 7-10 of suprefact, so I'll call the clinic in the morning to see if this will screw things up at my downreg u/s on wednesday.

If wednesday's u/s goes all right (ie system is shut down properly) I'll start stims on Thursday. if things aren't 'adequate', more suprefact I guess, and wait for another week before stimming. hurry up. wait. same ol, same ol.

Call me Superstitious...

 Or just super, if that's easier ;) 

For a while now i've been trying to make little changes in order to hopefully bring about a positive test result from our IVF efforts. I listen to the Circle + Bloom sessions every night, i've cut out most caffeine (still have a tea a day, but no Diet Coke in over a week now), no more aspartame, and I'm just trying to think REALLY positive. Nothing really superstitious there, but wait :P

One other thing I have decided to do is wear my moonstone pendant (or keep it on me) every day until I do my beta, 16dpET (that's mid-to-late-may for those of you who don't speak IVF). It was given to me by a very good friend last year - the three stones are to represent me, J & baby Chelle-or-J. isn't that sweet? Not familiar with moonstone? Moonstone is "...a feminine gemstone. [It is a] much used gemstone in case of infertility and grants sometimes amazing results." Here's hoping it has that result for us.

So, might be a little superstitious of me, but I'll be wearing this pendant for hte next month or so. I wear it at least 3 or 4 days a week anyway, so a few more isn't much of a stretch. 

two two.. TWO posts in one!

AKA injection training & a video clip (NOT of injection training).


We had our appointment at the clinic, and all in all, it went well.. I voiced my concerns about cysts, and the nurse said it's really not much of a concern for them. the suprefact should taken care of anything little, and if there are larger cysts, they'll drain them before getting too far into the stims. so *shrug* I dunno. they're cool with it. I guess I have to be too. Paid too much to NOT trust them, right?

Anyway, after going through the process, she showed us hwo to do the mixing of drugs, and i injected 1ml of saline into my belly... so i can do it! I was pretty nervous (both the nurse & J commented on how nervous I looked) but I did it. And really, I have 3 weeks before i start stims (if the downreg is clear...) so I can play with the saline (they gave me a kit to just 'play with' - no meds, just qcap & saline, etc) and get used to handling the needles & such. All told, it's 12ish days of stims, I can DO this.

Found out that my initial stims dose will be 2x75 bravelle, and 1x75 repronex.... is this average? normal?what was your dose if you've done IVF?


And for part 2 of the post - a couple of articles from twitter today. Well, they're from MSNBC, but I found the link on twitter. THe first is a segment from some portion of today's TODAY show, and the second link is more info on the reporter's struggle with IF. The video segment is pretty bang on, and even though i haven't gone through any of the treatments (yet), it still rang quite true. Thoughts?
MSNBC video clip Psychological impact of infertility

FINALLY.

CD1. I called the clinic from the hotel today (I was out of town for a meeting), and will be calling back to actually speak to a nurse tomorrow. I need to book the drug teaching session for injections, etc, and then get the appt for down-regulation and when to start monitoring, etc. from what i can tell, suppressants will start around the 8th, stims on teh 22nd (so yes, i'll be going to ottawa still!), and then ER/ET sometime beg of May.... beta around the long weekend, and EDD beg Feb.

For those who are interested - I found a great site that explains the IVF process. We're doing a long protocol cycle. I'll update tomorrow with specific dates (if they're different from what I've got above).

bit of an update...

although there's not really much TO update, I hadn't posted in a bit, so here ya go :P

• still no DGT. I did take the provera (5 days - mar 3 - 8), and it's not here yet... hopefully soon! Ideally by tomorrow* (I don't ask for much, eh?)
• we're both feeling much more comfortable & prepared about IVF now, since going to the info session on Tuesday evening. it was about 2 hours long, and near the end, a couple who had gone through IVF with the clinic last year, and was at the hospital (where the session was) to have their baby. It wasn't planned that they'd stop by, but if anything's a testament to IVF working, that is :)

*while it won't really matter when DGT comes, as she'll wait until she's good and ready, if I start flow by tmro, the cycle should be timed such that ER & ET will be the last week of April - J's birthday is on the 28th. With ER/ET that week, EDD is the last week of January or so - my birthday is the 30th of Jan. How neat would that be?

If DGT shows up sometime next week though, I will still be able to make my trip to Ottawa for work, and start stims the day after I get back. ah well. can't do much to bring it on, just Hurry up & Wait, I suppose...