Confused & annoyed...

For the last three days I have been experiencing the faintest spotting. I'm 99.99999% sure I'm not pregnant (tested earlier this week), but if this is just a precursor to DGT, just bring it, dammit. I need to get CD3 bloodwork done for the RE... if the fflow won't start, can't get the bloodwork, and gah. just you know. I've had some PMS like symptoms (overly nappy, eating everything in sight, skin breakouts), but no official sign of DGT.  This week at work is going to be all effed up because I'm either in training or training someone else, and then I'm out for two days due to some minor surgery. Taking time to get bloodwork will be a PITA at the best of times, but it has to be done.

I had called the clinic last week to put a message into the RE about starting BCP because o these effed up cycles, and the receptionist apparently screwed up the message, because by the time the RE got the message when she was in a few days later, she had no idea what i wanted, so they had to call me back to figure that out, and then I haven't heard from them since! Hence the annoyed.



I really hope the clinic is easier to deal with when we're actually cycling... bc I'm pretty annoyed right now, and we haven't even started intense dealings yet...

ETA: I'm really quite down after writing all this... I'd love a huge cry, but it just won't come (yet).  Usually another PMS sign, so maybe the biatch is on her way after all.

blah

I don't really know if there is a point to writing this, but it's on
my mind, so here goes.

I found out earlier today that (another) one of the girls on one of
the boards that i have 'known' forever is pg... 8 wks, telling the fam
& gen public at xmas. which made me a bit sad at first 'oh boohoo,
another baby born before we even get to try..' then i realized that
she was going to be able to do what i had so wanted to (xmas
announcemt) and it made it that much harder to deal with. i wanted to cry, but knew J. wouldn't get it.

i finally have the followup with the RE on monday, but don't really
even care right about now. i'm sure we'll be stalled until after the
OB confirms the dermatitis has cleared (feb possibly) and then it's
super busy at work, and I am plum out of sick leave (for appts, etc)
so i can't imagine cycling now til god knows when. (holy runon
sentence, sorry) i don't just want to give up, but at the same time,
why bother? bah. this blows...

I've got a feeling...

And not a good one, like the Oprah flash mob...

I am still waiting for CD1 to show up. It's been 45ish days since the last one, but between the hysteroscopy, biopsy, various meds I'm not overly surprised the biatch is MIA. That said? if she'd show up, we may still have a chance to cycle before xmas. But it's not looking good. And even if I got my period today, I'd still have to wait to see the RE for ANOTHER internal, and hopefully be good to start suppression meds on CD21. that takes us to Nov 2-3, and then there's another 3-4 weeks of meds before ER-ET, which is end of Novemberish, beta Dec 15ish. Cutting it close for the clinic's Christmas office closure :(  And my dream of announcing a pg at xmas surrounded by family? burst like a balloon.

Negative Nelly...

I found out today that a co-worker's wife is due with their first baby in September - a month before their first anniversary. While I was AM happy for them, the fact that they were pg so soon after the wedding felt like a knife through me.

I ran into the same coworker in the elevator as I was leaving, and I congratulated him (didn't have a chance at lunch when I first heard)... another coworker had been going on about "oh, I knew when I first asked you a few months ago... most people are trying for kids right after the wedding..." and i made some comment about how they were lucky, as not everyone's so lucky. "oh, you just have to be patient.." ya, well, 4.5 years off the pill - is that patient enough? Gah, it just ticks me off that he's able to be so non-chalant about it, but hey, he must have super sperm (and uh, ew, i never really wanted to think about him that way... wtg, chelle...) that it's easy to tell people to relax.

I think I'm actually going to email him and apologize for being grumpy & negative. I truly am happy for them, even though it's just another couple to add to the ever-growing "list o' people who are pg before me"...

So much for a miracle

I had a little hope that we wouldn't actually need to go to the clinic - that this would be THE cycle - you know the way that it happens to everyone, right - happens when you least expect it? Well, that hope was quashed last night when we got home from the game for me to find my period - 4 days early. Thanks so much. At least I figured out why I was an emotional basket case the last few days. Bah. That's why I'm always a pessimist - then if something good happens, I'm plesantly surprised. On the bright side, I know I have a very very supportive group of people, IRL and online, who are supporting us, so that makes me feel better. Had a chat tonight with a friend of ours from church who ended up adopting after failed IVF and she's so supportive - nice to have another sounding board if/when I need it. Lord have mercy.