somewhat less cryptic update...

ok, so to explain a bit more...

the hysteroscopy was clear, but my Dr. had a very hard time doing the exam. (notes actually said "very difficult"). apparently the skin surrounding my cervix is quite inflamed, and she had trouble getting the speculum open (again - hello memories of HSG Hell). I have to go for a biopsy of the area, bc my Dr/RE wants to make sure whatever the problem is (it's NOT cancer ) is cleared up by the time we start IVF. Which I get, and am doing better with than I was initially.

So, more waiting for me... not sure when the appt will be for the biopsy, then there's the wait for results, and then when I get my period AFTER the biopsy (if all comes back clear, I'm guessing) I can call Dr. B, I have to go in for another internal exam. This is just to make sure that the passage will be clear for any embies, because right now her concern is that right now, ET would be almost impossible, and really. who wants to get to that stage and not be able to go through with it.

so, thanks for the wishes all. Looks like we're back to benchwarming for a bit...

Fwd: fingers crossed!

I had a message on the answering machine at home left at home today
while I was at work - a booking clerk from the IWK. of course,
she couldn't say what she was calling about, but hopefully it was to
schedule the hysteroscopy. Here's hoping!

It's really funny how things work though, when u think about it. I was
just saying to a good friend today that i've been kinda down lately,
partially due to the whole hurry up and wait nature of IF, and having
to wait so long for this effing test. And now look - hopefully
there's been a cancellation or something, and I'll be in a couple
months sooner than I thought (but still way later than if the effing
HSG had been a go, but I dye-grass)... so maybe we'll be cycling
sooner than November after all. Fingers crossed!

(sorry for any typos, formatting issues, whatever. I emailed this post in while i was at the airport waiting for my SIL's flight...)

HSG update..

After my failed HSG-attempt last week, I figured I'd have to just reschedule on my own when my next CD1 rolled around, and hope to get on the procedure list at the hospital, and hope for the best. Well. I got a call at work on Tuesday morning from the clinic from one of the REs. Long story short, they're going to try the procedure again, this time with me under some level of anaesthetic. I go in on Thursday to sign consents, etc. Not sure when they'll do the procedure, will probably know more then.

I have to say though, when the dr. called, she was kinda chuckling, and it pissed me off to NO EFFING END. Because I didn't quite feel bad enough about not being able to get the procedure over with the first time, now I have my dr. laughing at me/my situation. niiiiiiiiice. Of course they're the only clinic within 2.5 hours, so really, what other choice do we have? Not like we can pick up and try somewhere else.

and why is it everytime i try and type HSG, it comes out HST? gah. taxes on the brain!

Fork.

What a morning. And ya, it's 9:30. The HSG turned out to be a no-go. Well, it's not like the appointment was canceled or anything, just my effing body would not cooperate. The dr. was able to get the speculums (and ya, plural - I think she tried 4 different ones...) in, but couldn't crank 'em open (at all) to get a view of my cervix. I 'felt' relaxed enough (hey, it's one thing that they could get the speculum in - that's usually even hard), but apparently I was involuntarily fighting the speculum. Well, *I* wasn't, my muscles were. Whatever. Regardless, I felt like the hugest moron evah. I'll chalk it up to the fact I couldn't take ativan like usual, bc I had to drive back home after (J's sick, and wouldn't be allowed near the hospital). I did take 2 Aleve (naproxen for us Cdns, available at WalMarts everywhere in the US) before the exam, which should've been enough, but I guess not.

I should've known though that it would be a crappy morning. I had to go up to the RE clinic before the HSG to have a pee test done "just in case" I was pg, and while I was sitting there waiting for the nurse, I heard her give the 'good news' to another couple that they were PG. Yes, bc that's what someone who has to pay $10K to TRY to have a baby wants to hear first thing in the morning. FORK.

AND, to top it off, I am writing an exam for a job this afternoon, and the last thing I want to do is study right now, I just want to wallow. Wallow in the forking unfair world of IF. I treated myself to an egg mcmuffin on the way home (and could've eaten like 3 more, but WW y'know), but blah. still feel like hell.

so, I guess I get to go through this again in a month or so. Blast. blaaaaaaast.

HSG ...

or, as the clinic refers to it "cavity check" ICK. When the clinic told me I had to have a repeat 'cavity check' done they said it usually takes on average 3 months to get in... well, I called the lab to book the HSG on my CD1 last week and they called me back yesterday to book the appt. For this coming friday!! The lack-of-wait is great, the timing, not-so-great as I've got an exam to write for a potential job, and well, hopefully the effect of the ativan will have worn off :P

When the nurse called yesterday, I was a bit miffed - they couldn't find the swab results that I'd had done at the clinic, which had caused me all sorts of stress at the time. Last thing I wanted was for them to have lost the results and need to redo! But, thankfully they were located - the lab wasn't able to fax them to the clinic, so just kept 'em. bah. ah well. one more thing off the list. After hte HSG we will be green lighted, but I'm still trying to lose some weight. I'm down almost 10 lbs since hte appt, so hopefully the other 20 I would like to lose this summer will also happen. The sooner the better, IMO.

Aaah the indignity of infertility

Nothing says fun like sitting in the hallway of a hospital in a gown and robe, naked from the waist down, except your black socks and pink shoes still on. Then to have a speculum shoved into you, a catheter and then have your insides blown up full of dye. I never knew that one minute could be so much pain. That was a motherfucker of a procedure. I varied between trying to stay conscious and wanting to punch the doctor. Gotta love the HSG. :p On the bright side, looks like everything is all clear, though he couldn't get a good view of the left tube - likely because I was nearly on the freaking ceiling due to the pain. The pain luckily only really lasted during the procedure, but I did take the day off, which was wonderful. I love afternoon naps. :)

Also yesterday I had a good phone visit with my godmother. We chatted quite a bit about my infertility - she felt bad telling me about her son's wife expecting (who is nearly 10 years younger than me) - but it didn't feel bad. I'm not saying that no announcements will make me unhappy in the future, but I feel a bit of calm right now. Even my godmother said that I had a "lightness" in my voice and it's true - I'm surprisingly happy these days - which is a miracle considering how awful I can get this time of year. Let's hope the happiness continues.