Monday, November 2, 2009

i've been thinking a lot lately...

first off, I had mentioned back here that my acu. is pg... did I mention that she's having twins? Ya... she's close to 15 weeks now, due beg. April (technically, although they'll probably come sooner). What does this mean for acu treatments when/if we cycle? Dunno. I will see her next week, and will try and hammer out a plan (y'know, with the limited info on our cycle I do have). There are other acus at the clinic I go to, but I like and *clicked* with this one, so now to not have her support when we'll possibly be cycling, blows huge huge goats. I know another girl across town that I like, but she's well, across town, and this one is just around the corner from my office. Proximity is nice...

Anyway. Since that thought about acu popped into my mind this weekend, and after the followup on Friday, I'm starting to wonder whether there's a bigger reason things keep popping up, and forcing us to wait/put plans on hold. Are we supposed to NOT have children? Did I piss someone off in a further life (or was I a prostitute with 18000 kids, and this is retribution)? Do we just stop the running around at some point, and just (try to) accept that we're childless? Do we continue to run around chasing a dream like a carrot on a stick? Run run run, wait wait wait, run wait run wait wait wait run - no wonder I'm crazy. Do we just become "awesome Auntie Chelle & Uncle J" to everyone else's kids? or grumpy Auntie Chelle/Uncle J?

Gah, so many questions, and they all make me sad, but HAVE to be dealt with. Goodie, another chat with J. I'm so excited, seeing the direction the rest of them have taken....

2 comments:

  1. Those are all good questions.

    I used to think that we must have been a really bad people in a previous life, to get all this back in this one.
    When enough is enough? I don't know. E and I told ourselves that we'll know when we are at that point. Right now, we are not ready to give up just yet.
    **big, big hugs** I hope you don't mind that I shared this here.
    I think of you lots and I hope you are ok. **more hugs**

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  2. :( I know the feeling. Try to pick up the book I've told you about "Sweet Grapes" - it does provide some food for thought about being childfree.

    I know about having "chats" - ugh, I hate it. HATE IT. I think we married the same man. :p

    Big hugs.

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