Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Waiting Game...

I had a dream last night, and I want to keep 'track' of it, but wasn't sure where to put it. SO, here it goes :P It's not really a rant, but definitely IF related, so it's going here. I think I'll x-post it on JPC though, just bc I can. hah.

I dreamed that I was at an acupuncture appointment, only it was with my ND, not the ND that does my acupuncture (hee, confused yet?). It was early morning, and it was somewhere in Dartmouth that's about 10 minutes from our place, but isn't near either of the NDs offices. ANYWAY. In the appointment I remember the acu. hurt like hell, which it normally doesn't, and that I was bleeding a little from it. Then there was a convo between me and the ND...

ND: "Why are you guys waiting [to do IVF]? I called the [fertility] clinic. They've got an opening for you guys if you want to cycle right now, but you have to let them know today..."
ME: "because of the stims, right? Because it's already CD 4 (which yesterday was, IRL!!) and I should've started them yesterday?" (I realize this isn't the real protocol, and would be more for Clomid than IVF, but eh, it's a dream, sorry :D)
ND: "that's right. so we can call them right now if you're interested, or you can go and talk to J. and see what he thinks..."

And I was seriously contemplating just going ahead with IVF now, and not calling him and even asking if he thought we should cycle now or later, as planned. Like he has no say!! THen I contemplated just posting on my IF chat board to see what the girls there thought of the plan... again, like J. has no say in it. Gah.

****end of important dream elements*******

This made me think about a couple of things...
1) I think it serves to remind me that I need to talk to J. more about the whole IF/IVF thing, see how he's feeling, etc. It's not just something I can decide to do on my own, as it totally involves both of us, even though I go through the physical part myself.

2) I think I am way more anxious about IVF than I let on, but not so much in a bad way. I'm sick of waiting. Why are we waiting, really? The $$$ difference in drug costs of me being on the drug plan isn't really significant in the whole scheme of things, but I guess the top up is. Must get to the 6 month mark of employment, or get extended. Then I'm apparently eligible for top up, and it'll be a go.

Bah. I hate the waiting game.

Any thoughts or insights oh wise reader(s)?

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