Sunday, May 31, 2009

IF is a cruel, cruel beast...

Disclaimer: I'm kinda (um, hah) in a funk right now, so bear with me.

No-one ever said the world is a fair and just place to be, thankfully. Because if they had, I'd probably be hunting them down right about now.

I got some news last night that pretty much blew my mind. Someone I used to know is 12 weeks pg. Big whoop, right? Why let it get to me? What's different about this announcement than the dozens of others that I have had over the years that I didn't let bother me? I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's something like this... she is very goal-oriented, and nothing can stop her. She's my age (early-mid 30s), is (was? it's been a while) working on yet another degree, is an exec at a fancy company in the COTU, and always seemed on the fence about kids. Ambivalent even. But now, she's 12 weeks pg, and it's hit me like a ton of bricks. Like it was just another thing to check off the 'life list'. Bachelor's degree? Check! Masters degree? Check! Wicked job? Check! hmmm, baby's next on the list. Might as well check that off too... BAH.

I get that people can & do change their minds, nothing is an absolute, yadda yadda. But it soooo burns my ass that people who were so on the fence can conceive relatively easily, while those who KNOW they want kids suffer through the trials & tribulations of IF. I have no idea how long they tried, but still, there was no medical intervention that I am aware of.

I don't wish her ill, or anything like that - that's not me. I just wish there was some rhyme or reason to the whole thang. Crack whores & teenagers can get pg easily, but I know of far too many people would make wonderful parents and can't get pg to save their souls.



  1. As someone who is close to you and one of those previous fence sitters I know how deeply this issue hurts you and I wish with all my heart there was something I could do to fix it all for you and all the others who are also so dear to my heart. While there's no way I can possibly fully feel how much it hurts personally, it rips my heart out when I know it hurts even a little for you when these announcements are made (and in the way they are sometimes). Even before I had my own, it ripped my heart out when people I knew were struggling (and continue) to struggle with infertility while every Tom, Dick and Harry have all these "oops babies". Makes my blood boil that life can and is so effing unfair. People who would make the most amazing parents, who want children with every bit of their being and then these people come along and are all nonchalant in that "I guess I must be pg...I haven't had a period in a while". Feck. Grrrr. What the hell is the magic formula that allows one person to be fertile and another not?
    I wish for the day when a pg announcement can be seen and truly felt as a wonderful thing by everyone because there isn't a fence at all to be sitting on...and there isn't one for some to be on one side of and others to be on the other side looking over it. I hope for the day when everyone is just playing happily with their children in the big green grassy field of life.

  2. Big hugs. I wish there was a simple, painless solution to this, but for us, it seems like that's a wild, impossible dream.