Saturday, June 5, 2010

PG after I(V)F...

...and I feel guilty for leaving IF friends behind. I wonder how our pregnancy will change some of my friendships with kewl infertiles, even those who I've known much longer than we've been dealing with IF. We have gone through four years of doctors, blood tests, meds, procedures (HSG, SA/SFA), appointments and WAITING, and were blessed to get pregnant during our first (and probably only) attempt at IVF (thanks, ICSI). Does that mean I won't remember what it's like to want something and not be able to have it? I don't think so. I still remember what it's been like everytime a friend announced a pg (or two), the birthday parties we were (or weren't) invited to, the showers which while celebrating the baby-to-be still hurt a bit, etc.

The thought that some of my good friendships could be (have been) strained by our news makes me sad. My friends are very important to me, and I hate being in situations where these friendships are strained.

For gals who have been in the same situation, is there anyway to avoid this happening? way to fix it? am i doomed?

bah.

6 comments:

  1. I just waited for cue from people I knew... and I get them from time to time. So I check in occasionally and will be there to celebrate with them when their time comes :)

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  3. Bah Suck it! You guys DESERVE your sunshine....if they can't be happy for u they can take out their preggers shades and look the other way.
    You did your time in IF prison it's time to enjoy what you worked so hard for! I realize Your friends aren't trying to be jealous and envious, and in time they'll get over it...and if they don't, then what kind of "friends" are they in the first place?!
    You can't change people's emotions so don't let them control YOURS!

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  4. If they are true friends, they're probably incredibly happy for you, but sad for themselves at the same time... the same way you felt when you had to deal with the exact same issues from the other side of the fence. I never begrudge someone for getting pregnant, especially after the pain of IF.

    You know what it feels like to have the news rubbed in your face, so I'm sure you won't be like many of the preggers who have no idea what it's like to walk the infertility road. That perspective should make it easier.

    Enjoy this happy time -- you've earned it!

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  5. As JL said, you now have the perspective from both sides of the fence so if anything I think that you will have more awareness of the impact of pregnancy related things on those still struggling. It is a delicate balance to be part of one crowd but still have friends in another camp without excluding, making them feel "different" and just sensoring yourself when talking about different topics. But if anyone will show compassion and caring for all parties, it is you. There's no doubt in my mind that everyone, no matter their circumstance is happy for you...just as you were for others when their time came. I just hope that as you continue on this road that you'll be welcoming more and more of your former buddies over to this side of the fence to join you.

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  6. Damn. I just deleted my reply by mistake. Didn't mean to. No more "what does this do" for me.

    Anyway, the gist of the comment was that friendship is a two way street and it makes a huge difference on how both sides in that relationship are and react. True friends are happy for you regardless where they are in their IF journey.
    I find that some people, forget what it feels like and start "ignoring" those that are still struggling. I know this won't be you as you are an amazing person and friend.

    Enjoy your pregnancy and I can't wait to hear of the u/s results. :)))

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