Hurry up & wait...

"... one of the last..."

2011-12-16T13:33:00.001-04:00

I find myself using this phrase a lot with J lately. Whether I end the sentence with "afternoon walks with Eileen" or "snuggles before nap.." it just seems to be cropping up a lot.

As is always the case, we have a lot going on in the next three weeks or so- Christmas & New Years, mr. moo's first birthday, J starting daycare & my return to work, my sister's coming to visit and to top it off, I'm having my gall bladder surgery next week. While I will feel a lot better once it's out, i'm awfully anxious - moreso abt recovery than the procedure itself. no heavy lifting (like a baby) for a few weeks, etc. boo!

Pediatrician appt

2011-12-02T11:48:00.001-04:00

Back at J's 9month appt, our doctor noted that at 25lbs, 30in & 50cm head circumference, Joel was close to off the charts on all counts except for head circ - and for that, he was off the charts. So, to check that out (can be sign of problems), we were referred to the clinic's pediatrician (usually just see GP). Our appointment was yesterday, and in two months, J has grown to 28 lbs (!!!), 31.25" and 51cm head circ. She was happy with his neuro & physical development though, he's just a large, happy child.

As the point of the appt was to check on his head size, the dr. first plotted his earlier measurements on her chart, and then she measured him, then measured his dad & I. I was also off the charts for headsize, and i think dad was close... Which led her to "diagnose" J with Benign Familial Megalencephaly... basically, it's Latin for "you have a large head because your parents have large heads" :P Which really, is fairly apparent from looking at us, but whatever. I mean look: three ppl with large heads. At least we're cute, right?

The Hanways, Oct 2011. Photo courtesy Inspired Images (full photoshoot here)

We have a follow up appt to make sure his head is growing proportionally, but the dr wasn't concerned, so neither are we. FTR, his head is only 8 cm smaller around than mine. EEK!

Oh, and because I can, here's his first pic with Santa. I wish they'd gotten a bit closer up, but ah well. He's pretty tired, but isn't screaming his head off, so I declare a win! :)

stupid momlympics

2011-11-28T10:00:00.001-04:00

My friend had a little boy (G) 5w after Joel was born. We talk pretty much every day, and often i feel like the crappiest mom EVER by end of convo. i know she doesn't mean for this to happen, but I can't help when i hear abt G.

let's see, G is almost walking (joel's only been crawling for a month now), he sleeps thru the night (j wakes 2-3 times), he eats a shitton of solids (j got really picky when he was sick), g loves his sippy cup (j hates it..), G will sleep anywhere, yadda yadda - the list goes on. I know I've "let" these situations happen with Joel, but I don't know how to fix em now.

I hate that I'm comparing my perfect little muffin man to another kid, but i can't help it. I feel like i'm failing him, but i can only do so much & with the amt of sleep i get, i don't know what else to do. in the end, I feel like a sucktastic mom. I KNOW that all kids are different, but it's still hard to not compare.

(not so) RAD

2011-11-05T09:26:00.001-03:00

We spent the evening before Moo turned 10 months old at the IWK's emergency dept. Baby boy has been sick/teething for close to a week, but had really been wheezy off & on since early in the week. His puffers (such a struggle) didn't seem to be doing much good, so off we went.

We were seen fairly quickly, and it was determined that he has Reactive Airway Disorder (RAD - http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/800119-overview) They won't classify it as asthma (yet), because it's only his second episode (first was back in May). Poor kid had 20 puffs of ventalin in less than 3 hours, plus an oral steroid. :(

On top of everything, he's had a little 'scratch' by his nose for the last few weeks. Last Friday as we were leaving for sign language class it started bleeding, so i popped a bandaid on, no prob. It had looked like it was healing, but all the aero-chamber action on Thursday aggravated it again, and it started bleeding profusely while we were at the hospital. Turns out it's a hemangioma (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemangioma), and may need to be cauterized. :/ my poor muffin bum :(

So we left hospital with orders to give 2 puffs of ventalin every 4h for first 24h, and then 4x/day until "you're sure he's better", as well as a second dose of oral steroid that we were to give him this morning (took like a champ). I really do hope his breathing clears up soon - makes me sick to listen to my baby wheeze :(

Seriously?

2011-09-21T21:57:00.000-03:00

Canadian MDs consider denying fertility treatments to obese women

I mean, the struggle with infertility is just a series of knives through the heart, so why not stab some of us again?

I admit it, I'm fat. You've seen pics, you know it's the truth. And so as a fat person who has undergone IVF, this hits home.

Many things ran through my head when I first read this article, but it kinda came down to this - it's always the woman's fault. What about those of us who are overweight/obese/just-plain-fat but still ovulate? What if our husbands/dads-in-waiting are the ones with the "issue"? We weren't dealing with a case of "fat factor infertility" but MALE factor infertility. Me losing 20-50-100 lbs wouldn't have changed the fact that hubs has crappy sperm. Hell, my blood pressure dropped significantly for a portion of my pregnancy. Yes, I got pre-eclampsia at the end, but know what? so do people of "normal weight" - not just pregnant fatties.

The first time we met with Dr. H at our clinic, she had barely introduced herself and said "you've got to lose some weight." She hadn't even sat down. Same woman offended me during ET last year by implying that my legs were too heavy for the stirrups (a nurse stood up for me and shot that back down). So ya, I'm not horribly shocked by the article, but still. I can't imagine how fast my jaw would've dropped had my clinic taken this stance. "Nope, sorry. We'd love to take your money & help you have a child & the family you've always wanted, but you're too FAT. "

I've said it before, I'll say it again, sizeism is the last acceptable form of discrimination. Paired with infertility is a double dose of suck. Seriously, what's next - will fat people having sex be illegal "just in case" they get pg? Puh-leeze.

And hand me a twinkie. Fat girl's gotta eat.

Thoughts of a second...

2011-09-05T04:00:00.000-03:00

As we decided to do our IVF cycle, we always said it was a "one-time" thing. And thank God it worked, as we now have our precious bub. Keeping in mind we said "one-time" I've given away a ton of his baby clothes already, sold my maternity clothes, etc. But now that he's getting close to a year (8 months already & yes I realize I'm a horrid blogger), we keep throwing around mention of a sibling for lil J. I have always wanted more than one child, and while I think lil J is awesome-sauce (and then some), I would so love for him to have a sibling. And honestly, I don't feel that I'm "done" having kids yet, whatever that means. I rather liked being pregnant, and a new squishy baby would be awesome. But then two carseats, daycare for two. More mental strain, bc hey, those first few months were NOT great for any of us.

Of course, trying for a sibling means dipping into the LOC for fundage & riding the whole IVF rollercoaster again. Before we do that tho, there are a few things that would need to happen first though, namely lose some weight (like 50 lbs, ideally more) & talk to my dr & clinic on timeline, as i'm 35.5 now, and the longer we wait, the worse the odds get. I would think that cycling next summer (June-July as cycle 0) would be best, but that could be moving a bit quickly. And then with cycling comes all the other logistics - work, kidlet, etc. I think I would ask my mom or sis to come out to help Joel-wrangle during ER/ET/start of 2ww, as he would be 18-ish months next summer... I would take vacay at work because "family's in town" and not let everyone at work know abt IVF... We'd probably look at moving too... As much as I like our house, It's not great for having a newborn, imo. Especially if I have to have another C-section (which I'm leaning towards, and which hubs & I have talked abt a few times...)

But who knows? Maybe this is all just a pipe dream. Maybe Joel will be our one & only, but I'd like to know we gave it a shot at giving him a sibling, regardless of the cost (mentally & financially).

Six months already..

2011-07-04T20:51:00.032-03:00

Dear Mr Moo...

I can't believe that you are already six months old. How time flies!! You're growing so much every day.. You love playing with your toes, and splashing in the tub. Your smile can light up a room, and you love it when people sing or talk to you. You're such a little charmer - everyone's little buddy.

You're not quite sitting up yet, but I'm sure you will be in no time. And then crawling and walking.. your back and legs are strong already, so I'm guessing it really won't be long before you hit the ground running.You will (usually) sleep for a good 5-hour stretch at night, then get up for a bottle & sleep in 3ish hour stints, but Grandma Gina says I didn't sleep much as a baby either, so I guess this is payback ;)

As far as official measurements go... you were 7 lbs even when you were born, and today 19lb3oz (75th %ile) . 20.5" at birth, and 28" now - 90th %ile! Methinks you'll be tall like Grandpa Tom & Uncle Addy! You weathered today's shots like a pro - even the doctor was impressed! The promise of your soother & a bottle was enough to keep the tears from really flowing.

Thank you for joining our little family, we are so lucky to have you in our lives.
Love always,
Mama

End of an era

2011-06-23T20:42:00.001-03:00

Good bye baby bucket :( J just finished installing Joel's big boy car seat. At not quite 6 months, we figured it was about time to move him up for a few reasons... he's a big boy and is close to reaching one, if not both of the limits for his bucket (22 lbs or 29"). Plus, my shoulder has been giving me grief after lugging around 25-30 lb of baby + bucket for the last little while.

We chose the Graco My Ride 65 car seat for a few reasons. First, it's a recommended buy on Consumer Reports, and second, it was on sale at Sears ($159!). More importantly though, it can stay rear-facing to 40lbs, and then forward-facing to 65lbs, some of the best weight limits (for rear-facing anyway) around, especially for an affordable seat.

Hopefully Joel likes this car seat as much as he seems to love the bucket seats, because he's going to be in it for quite a while...

A sh!tstorm... literally

2011-05-27T20:06:00.001-03:00

Weak stomach? then this might not be the post for you... Consider yourself warned.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but kidlet is generally a once a day pooper. Pooper McGee, I usually call him. Poops are usually around lunch time, and can be heard from the next room. They're generally pretty epic, and half the time they happen when we're not at home, adding a whole level of nasty to the slready epic poo.

So today's poo was a bit earlier in the day than usual, and right after we got home fr brekkie with a friend (yes!). cool, poop was done for the day.

Or so I thought.

On the rare occassion there's an additional poo, it's not usually as voluminous(sp?) as it's predecessor, and easily contained/dealt with.

So this evening we're sitting onthe couch and I can see all his poop-ready signals (grunts, fists) but don't hear/smell/see any the telltale signs of production, other than a couple little farts. no prob.

I finally bring him up to his room to get him ready for bed, and no poop on pants or socks, or on his onesie in the usual spots. Only as i started feeling it smear up his back that I realized I'd been hit with the blockbuster sequel to Epic Poo... EP: Stealth Poo.

Because I didn't realize he had in fact sh!t, the change table cover, rec blanket, onesie, his back & arms were all covered. I called down to hubs to run a bath, bc this was more than wipes could handle. While dad's running the bath, I'm holding Pooper, but i can feel a fine mist on my foot. Yup, Pooper took that opportunity to piss on the kitchen cupboards/my foot. gaaaah. Really though, i had already had spitup & poop on me, might as well complete the Bodily Fluid trifecta...

He's cleaned up & zonked for the night now (in his BROWN jammies, which I thought was only fitting), and I still need to clean up after the bath/pee/start laundry, but gah. what an evening!

Hug your babies...

2011-05-26T23:18:00.000-03:00

I saw a tweet today from Jenny at What the Blog? about prayers needed for little Owen, a 6-month old triplet in the hospital, who was unfortunately in a precarious state. Not knowing the backstory, I did some clicking through of links, and found his mom's blog (Three Times the Fun). The story of how Owen ended up in the hospital on life support starts here, but basically, he flipped over onto his tummy in his crib, and in just a matter of minutes stopped breathing. He was revived, but since Saturday things have gone downhill, and the family is just waiting for Owen to be legally declared braindead so they can donate his tissues & organs.

My muffin man has slept on his tummy from day 1. he's always had a really strong neck/back, so I wasn't worried, but I know that it could've been him just as easily as it ended up being Owen. Of course, it didn't help that I was holding a sleeping Moo while I was reading this - the tears, they were a-flowin..So basically, you never know what could happen with your babies. Hug your LOs tight and keep this family in your thoughts..

I'm linking Jenny's post about Owen too, as she's a mom of triplets less than 2 weeks younger than Owen&co, and has a unique point of view with regards to what this family has and is going through.

Think he remembers??

2011-05-21T22:05:00.002-03:00

This is one of my favorite pictures from when Joel & I were still in the hospital after he was born. He's latched onto my breast & we're skin to skin. And I'd say he looks pretty content, no?

Tonight when I was trying to get him to settle so I could rock him to sleep, he opened his little mouth wide & it looked like he was trying to latch onto my chest thru my tshirt... think he remembers those few weeks I tried breastfeeding? It still kinda pains me a bit that it didn't work out, but bw newborn, ppd & hubs having brain surgery when baby was 5w, it was one of the things that had to give.

I am quite sure any milk has dried up, but I'm tempted to give him some boob next time he's rooting around. who knows - maybe we'll have a bf relationship after all....

Icky Sicky :(

2011-05-11T04:25:00.001-03:00

Unfortunately this week i've learned how super - heartbreaking it is when kidlet is sick :( he's had a cold since Fri, and i hate not being able to reach in & pull the crap out of his chest :( he's still pretty smiley & snuggly, just sounds like Darth Vader when he breathes :P he's eating regularly & sleeping, so that's something.. we see his dr on thurs, hopefully it hasn't turned into bronchitis or something. we saw a walk-in dr on sat, and he said it wasn't bad, but i don't know that it's getting any better :(

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T06:00:00.002-03:00

wow. my first mother's day as an actual mom. Who knew we'd ever get here? Two years ago I was super bitter at the whole concept, this time last year, we started the day at the clinic bright & early for monitoring & ended the day with the trigger shot. this year, we have a beautiful son to show for our labors (hah).

I was sitting in his room last night, rocking the little sicko to sleep (he's got a cold)... the lights were off, and the window was open a bit so we could hear the peepers and some light rain outside, and it was just perfect. I wish there was a life-cam that i could've taken a still shot with. It was one of those moments that to me was very mom-zen. And that moment, although I love my grass green tuk-tuk to death, that moment was the greatest mother's day gift of them all.

To those of you who are still waiting to be moms, huge hugs.

Four months!!

2011-05-04T10:19:00.001-03:00

Seriously, where does the time go? I can't believe that little Mr. is already 4months old. he's growing like a weed - not sure how long he is, but he measured in at 16.4 lbs today. That's only 2.4 lbs in a month, possibly attributed to the fact he's moving a lot more - kicking his legs & such, waving arms some. He's even rolled from his tummy to back twice now! I'm intrigued to see how long he is though - he seems SO long. Dr's appt is next thursday for shots & well-baby check up, so will find out then.

This was taken on Monday when we were having a chat on the couch. The bibs are a new addition, as he's been Drooly McDroolerson lately..

Oh. and I must share this pic... We met up with another mommy & lil friend on Friday, and went to see Sue the T-Rex at the NS Museum of Natural History. And as I have a penchant for odd photos, I felt compelled to take this shot...

This poor child. He has no idea what he's in for ;)

one year...

2011-04-30T13:22:00.000-03:00

This time last year I was about 12 hours past having taken my Bravelle & Repronex shot (see "stimulated"...), and we were into the "crunch time" for the ivf. the regular monitoring, testing, etc ). How times have changed. Now i'm watching a cute lil man smack the zebra & elephant on his bouncy chair, and man, he just gets smarter & smarter every day. I heart him - such a little lovey man. I'll share his four month (!!!) pics on Wednesday. Promise.

My Funny Bug(ish) story

2011-04-26T23:27:00.000-03:00

I know, this isn't part of our infertility story, but in a way it is. This is the story of how we got engaged, way back in October 2002. This is to be considered as an entry in the Raid Bug Story contest at 5 Minutes for Mom (chance to win one of 2 $500 Walmart gift cards. WOOT!)

Anyway.. I digress.

It was the Friday evening of the Thanksgiving weekend, and we were set to leave for J's parents place a few hours away the next morning. Our apartment was a mess, and I was contemplating staying home to clean (and umm, avoid the ILs?)... Well, sure enough, don't I see an ant or something similar in the kitchen after dinner, and then I decide, "that's it! I'm staying home and cleaning all weekend!" and then I stomped off into the bedroom to grumble about what a sty the place was.

A while later, I can hear J rumbling through the cutlery drawer, and I was like "wth is he doing??" *grumble grumble*... then he calls me out to the kitchen, all apprehensive like. "Uh dear? Can you come here for a sec? There's something I want you to see..." and of course, I just figured it was some new, huge bug. So, I reluctantly got up, and went into the kitchen. He pulled open the drawer for me to see "the bug" and nope, no bugs, but the engagement & wedding rings I'd had my heart set on instead!!

I spun on my heel, mouth agape, and said "YES!!" and then went with him to the ILs that weekend, bc screw cleaning. there were wedding plans to be made!! :D

couple things off the list..

2011-04-19T09:05:00.001-03:00

I finally managed to make our thank you cards for baby gifts received & compile addresses etc for TYs & birth announcements. As usual, once I decided on a design & had everything cut, the cards went pretty quickly. I outsourced the birth announcement design to my friend Laura at Laura Made This, because well, I photochop as well as I run -- I don't. She had these designs done up in a couple of days, and I just printed em, trimmed & voilà! I was able to put both TY & announcement in one env with one stamp, bonus. I still have to do the labels for J's family's announcements, but my time to use the laptop is precious, i don't wanna frig with stupid open office :p ah well. i could just write em out but that'd be much too easy :p

mom has been on me to send get the cards done for a while, and I have to admit it feels good to have that off my shoulders.

Three months old!!

2011-04-04T09:35:00.001-03:00

I can hardly believe that the precious little boy curled up in my arms is already three months old. Seems like the time has flown, but at the same time like he's been around forever.

He's getting so big & growing so quickly.. he weighs about 14 lbs and seems SUPER long. like, needing 6m sleepers bc 3m squish his toesies. he's interacting with us a bit more now & tries to imitate our laughs & such. I love seeing his gummy smile & hearing him laugh/chatter.

The next three months will bring many more firsts - including hopefully a trip on a big plane or two to see the f&f in SK.

I will try and upload a pic later today, but trust me, he's cute :)

one year ago..

2011-03-19T10:51:00.000-03:00

it was cd1, cycle 0 (aka, cycle where suppression meds started prior to ER/ET cycle). and wow, how things have changed. last year i was on a work trip and had to call in cd1 from the hotel during a break in our mtgs. today? i am sitting in baby's room with a 2.5month old precious little man curled up in my arms.

had i known what the next few months would hold, especialy with respect to hubs' health, I we probably would not have proceeded with the ivf at that time (ever??).. to say things have been a challenge is an understatement.. but i love my little man more than anything, and wouldn't change him for the world (not even for a girl!). I do believe that things happen for a reason, so he's meant to be here, challenges or no.

what will the next year hold? only time will tell...

If only...

2011-02-25T16:35:00.000-04:00

i could capture his snoring in the pic :)
and really, what more does a boy need? soother, sophie, fuzzy blankie, and a nap in gramma's arms :)

This...

2011-02-24T21:11:00.001-04:00

is what an 11 pound 7-week-old looks like, when he's asleep on grandma's knee.

mom & i took spark to the Public Health drop in today, to get him weighed, and imagine our surprise when he tipped the scale at an even 11lbs! that's 2lb3oz gain in 2 weeks!! Even more surprised was the PH nurse, who started grilling me about his eating habits.

This is how our convo went after establishing he is being formula-fed...

Nurse: "how much & how often does he eat??"
Me: "3-4oz every 3 hours, like clockwork.."

N: "do you wake him to feed him?"
M: "of course not!"

N: "and you know that if his lips are closed tightly, that means he's done?"
M: "mhmmm.. we watch his cues for knowing when to feed & when to stop... He may only take 2oz at first, but if he shows more hunger cues before the hour is up, we'll give him the bottle again..."

N: "and you're sure you're not waking him to eat?"
M: "no!"

gah, I was so frustrated by that point. she seemed sweet enough, but dude, listen. he's fine, honest. so for the rest of the day, we've giggled about it, and how incredulous she was that we DON'T over-feed him, just watch for his cues, as we should. In fact, he ate at 715 this eve, and mom & i expected himto wake up almost three hours ago for the next bottle (he's honestly like a little alarm clock, set on 3-h intervals), but nope - still sleeping. So I'm sure as hell not waking a baby to feed him! I have enough wits about me to at least know that :p geesh. He has squawked a few times for his soother, but once he gets that, he's happy - and so am I.

other than that, we're doing ok. i'm being watched by our dr for ppd, but so far i'm ok. i am getting a referral to a counselor though, ad i've been feeling a tad overwhelmed, but that's perhaps another post for another time...

Before I go, a big shout out to the gals in the Braces Bunch :) These are a bunch of gals in various stages of IF supporting each other via internet & snail mail, etc. Thanks for letting me join your lil group!! :)

Time Flies...

2011-02-20T19:04:00.000-04:00

two weeks already since I've last posted. oops. Well, I guess when you're getting used to having a wee one around, it's to be expected. Plus, my mom is still here, hubs has had a craniotomy to remove some little brain tumors & is now recovering, so it's not like we've just been chillaxing.

Things have been going well though. Nom's growing like a little weed - was just shy of 9lbs at the Public Health weigh-in on the 9th, and I expect him to be between 9.5 and 10lbs this week when we take him in. crazy how the little guy grows. He lurves his formula, and is starting to "see" stuff - mommy, daddy & grandma, toys, etc. I love how every day he fills out a little more, and 'sees' a bit more. Such a good lovey <3 Hoping to get some new pics uploaded soon...

First day home alone..

2011-02-07T17:30:00.001-04:00

well, alone with Mr. Joel, and we've survived! In addition to mere survival, I've swiffered & steam mopped the main floor, made bottles, sorted a whole shwack of mail, had a shower & gave tub & sinks a good swish, cleaned cat litter (which, after 10 months of doing is a bit extra-disgusting...), did dishes, spent over 30 minutes on the phone with EI re: my sick/mat leave claim, changed a bum or two :P, did some tidying & straightening and spent time snuggling & lovin my baby boy (oh, and I played a bunch of Angry Birds while he slept in my arms. Shoot me). Baby boy is extra sleepy today, hence getting stuff done. But now that I know i *can* get stuff done while he sleeps (and he slept through a chair falling while he napped 10 ft away), hopefully this will continue to motivate me to keep the place a bit straighter. Today's motivator of course is that my mother will be arriving in Halifax in about two hours (YAY!), so the place needed a bit of sprucing up :P

The story of Joel

2011-02-02T14:48:00.001-04:00

Better get comfy, this is probably going to be a long post... because god knows it was a loooooooong process, spanning a mere four days and change.

So..as I'd updated on NYE, my dr decided to start the induction process on Dec 31, because all indications were showing that I was starting to get sick (Pre-eclampsia), and that it was best for baby to make his appearance sooner than later. Once the first prostin was inserted & I got my own room, I was a bit more comfortable... around 11pm the nurse came to start the monitoring process again, and Spark had squirmed away from where he'd been (surprise!), so they brought an ultrasound machine up to my room to get his exact location. Right around midnight we watched the baby on the monitor, and I had my second dose of prostin. Oh what fun.

On Saturday (NYDay), I was checked around noon, by Dr. R (who would end up delivering baby in the end). he decided to switch to cervadil from prostin, because I wasn't progressing any, and while cervadil is inserted in the cervix, there's not as much internal monitoring (yay!) involved. So that was done around lunch I'd say, and then we just hung in the room, chattted with friends that came by, etc. No monitoring other htan vitals (yay!) so we watched hockey, etc. Funny what you remember about people though. When I first met Dr. R, I was flat on my back, looking up. He seemed to be at least 8 feet tall, with hands THIS BIG! I remember telling mom after "they couldn't have found a nice petite female doc to put the gel in, nooooo... has to be the 8 foot tall guy with the huge hands..." :P Anyway. he's NOT 8 feet tall, and I think his hands are just standard size, but in the state I was in, that was my first impression of him :P

Sunday around lunch I was supposed to be checked by the dr, but apparently it was crazy down on hte birthing floor. Dude finally came by at 5pm. At which point, he determined that the cervadil was working, and I was 3-4cm. It's go time! Down to the birthing unit we went... it was kind of a whirlwind, but we got all nice & settled into room 10, where I was hooked up to pitocin (the 'drip') around 8pm .. we called the doula, thinking this would be it. Long story short, I stayed at 3-4cm the entire night. We told the doula to go home around 4am, and that we'd call her when we knew what the new plan was going to be. When the new shift of drs came on around 7, I was checked again, and then the day team decided to give me a break (we hadn't ate or slept, and this baby wasn't goin ANYWHERE)... so they gave us the shift 'off'.

Monday night around 7 the new shift of drs decided to break my waters and do another double dose of pitocin (same as Sunday night)... I was fairly comfortable until about 12:30 or so, when I started feeling contractions. Finally! progress!... eh, kinda sorta, not really. things were just inching along. Actually, inches would have been good. Eventually I was 4 cm... and feeling really uncomfortable. So into the tub I got (with my IV pole and everything outside the tub), and OH MY GOD, how nice was that?? the warm water making me all buoyant, etc - so nice. Jamie would splash water on my tummy as a contraction was coming on... around 5 or so in the morning he texted the doula and asked her to come help out... still not knowing how long things would be. She arrived around 7, and I was still in the tub. She relieved Jamie a bit in the water splashing duty, and then I got out of the tub soon after. I was prune-like, but it had been a nice break.

When the next shift of drs came on, they said I was around 5cm I think? and that it was time to put in my epidural, to give me a break from the pain. So that was put in, and LOVE. ahhh, I could almost relax again. They also took the opportunity to put an internal monitor on Sparkle's head so that it was easier to monitor him... It was at this point, they suggested that if things didn't pick up soon, a C-Section would be a definite possibility, and honestly, I was ok with that. Things had gone on long enough... So for the rest of the day I think I just dozed and ate popsicles... chatted with the nurse & doula, Jamie ran home for a bit to get more clothes, etc.. I had made it to 6-7cm, but it was a long, long road. By this point, I had stopped updating people, because really, what was there to say? Still no baby, dammit. Between 6 & 7 pm, we decided we'd go with teh c-section option... the anaesthesiologist on that night came in to check my epidural, and apparently from me lying on it all day, it was almost out, so he popped it out,a nd I was let to essentially thaw before the surgery (nice). It was decided the surgery would be at 8pm, and so Jamie started running around packing up our stuff, and got completely sidetracked by teh fact that he coudln't find the videocamera (not htat we were taking video of the birth,but whatever). The doula kept me calm though - rubbed my back, talked about how I felt about going to a section, etc. i was kinda livid at jamie at that point, so it was nice to have someone around to calm me down.

We got whisked into the OR just after 8. Actually, it was 8:11pm when I looked at the clock (20:11... neat), and they put the new epidural in, and yup - I felt it! again...), and then got me all hooked up to IVs and such. The drape was up, so I really couldn't see what was going on, but at 8:50 pm they told Jamie "stand up Dad, or you'll miss everything!" and at 8:51pm baby Joel was born. And then promptly peed on the surgeon. (way to go, kidlet!!) I was shown the baby, then he was whisked away for APGARs (9 & 10, tyvm - we've got a smarty pants on our hands!) and such. J was able to cut the cord (kinda), and I know that Dr. R delayed the cord clamping for a minute or so, to give baby as much good stuff from the placenta as possible. Our doula took pictures of everything after he was born, which I'll post later. I have no idea how much longer we were in the OR while I was stitched up and such, but I remember a few pics of J & I and the baby being taken, and I remember talking with dr. R about Winnipeg (he'd lived there too, and agrees that their winters aren't THAT horrid), and asking for more freezing on my right side, because I could feel some stitches(!!).

We were taken into the recovery room after that , and I finally got to hold my son & put him to breast about an hour after he was born. And to everyone's surprise, he stayed there for almost 45 min ♥♥♥ eventually we were taken up to our room around midnight, i think... he was a little mucusy that first night, so he was taken down to NICU for about 10 hours or so.

my little hamhead

Then the second night (so after 1 full day), his blood work came back showing he was jaundiced :( So they brought in the bili lights (phototherapy unit) and he stayed in there for almost 24 hours. The next night he did all right, and then he ended up back in the phototherapy until Saturday evening... It was a bit heartbreaking seeing him in the incubator, but he seriously seemed to love it. and really - hamhead and sunglasses (see right) was super cute.

Eventually they let us go Sunday morning - a full week and a half after I was admitted. Of course, it was blizzard-like conditions in Halifax, so our first drive with him was rather white-knuckled (more so than it probably would've been, anyway), but we made it home just fine. Like the sleep deprived mommy I am, I forgot to take "coming home from the hospital" pics (!!) but rest assured we got him home. :P

*********

It's now been 4 weeks since Nommer was born... things are going rather well. We're figuring him out, he's figuring us out, it's coming along. He's growing like a weed - was weighed by the PHN at 7lbs 7.5oz last week, so I'm sure for his one month appt tomorrow (!!!) he'll be over the 7.5lb mark. More pictures to come shortly!

best birthday gift ever

2011-01-30T03:48:00.004-04:00

I just changed the stinky butt of my best birthday gift ever (again... takes a bit longer to write a post these days...)

when i was younger, and oh-so-naïve (ooh! umlauts!!) I swore I'd be "done having kids by the time I was 30. I [didn't] want to be an old mom..." well, thanks to infertility & not being married til close to 30, I had to change that to "i want to be a mom by 35.." and because Nommer was early, I'm almost a month into being a mom today, my 35th birthday...

So hard to believe that after years of hurry up & wait, that this perfect little dude would come & change our lives forever. And in time for my birthday - thank you baby, for making this dreama reality :)

mom guilt - i haz it

2011-01-21T23:21:00.003-04:00

so, we're 17 days into this parenting thing, and just as with the birth (which yes, i'll finish that story up soon), things are going well, but we've modified our "plan" a bit..

I'm breastfeeding and pumping (and have a scrip for domperidone), but Joel also gets formula. Gobbles it down. I don't know of he's just not getting my hindmilk, or what, but he lurves his little bottles. cool. a bit of mom guilt on the formula front? yup.

we gave him a soother tonight.. 17 days with a soother already is probably going to eff up what bf relationship we had, but he would not soothe otherwise. Well, sucking my finger for hours at a time also worked, but it's a bit limiting. so soother guilt - yup, got that too.

i have also put him in the playpen - excuse me, playyard- on his tummy a few times. and know what? he sleeps a lot better than on his back, as recommended. going to mom hell? looks like it.

i know that the only things that matter are that he's loved (he very much is) & that he's growing/developing normally. which, according to the dr he also is. regained his birth weight even... but i still feel like i'm doing him a disservice with everything. but i don't want to starve him, etc, hence the mom guilt.

and wow, only 17 days and i feellike this - what will the next 17 yrs bring???

I'm here!!

2011-01-11T17:10:00.000-04:00

Hi. My name is Joel Adams Gregory H., and mommy wanted me to let you know that I arrived January 4, 2011 at 8:51pm. I weighed 7lbs and was 20.5" long! Not bad for showing up a month early to my own party :)

I had a bit of a rough start, but mommy, daddy & I have been home since Sunday, and I'm quite happy with the place.

Mommy wanted me to let you know she's working on a longer post, but I guess I'm keeping her a bit busy these days.

oh well. snack time! bye bye for now... oh, here's a picture of me that mommy snapped in the recovery room shortly after i was born... aren't i cute??

hospital update

2010-12-31T19:04:00.003-04:00

so, we got the results of all my tests this afternoon about 3-4h ago... protein's up from yesterday, liver enzymes are up, bp is high but steady... i'm in the early stages of pre-eclampsia, and best thing is to get baby out, but they don't want to get him out before he's ready. and, at 35w3 days, he's not technically 100% baked.

all told, dr wanted to start the induction/cervix ripening process now so it could be done slowly before there is a dire need to get baby out. so they started hooking me up to the monitor close to 3h ago, and finally got a decent reading about an hour later (dude's a squirmer!!). prostin gel was inserted about 5:15, and then another hour on the monitor. in the meantime, they found me a private room, so we're all moved & settled in there. thank god. roomie was nice enough, but i need my own space for this.

there's no telling how long it will take for the prostin to work - could take one dose or four. so once again, we're at the point of hurry up & wait...

admitted...

2010-12-30T14:42:00.001-04:00

so, had my 35w u/s (growth & bpp) this morning...

when they got around to my appt, my urine was +2 for protein, and bp was a tad higher than they'd like.

they've admitted me to do a 24h urine test, more bloods, possibly ANOTHER GD GD test, and monitor spark. who, in addition to being approx 7lbs already, was zoomin through my belly like nobody's business. dr actually got a laugh out of it.

the plan as far as i know is 24h monitor, hopefully home tmroish. if things don't get better, i could be here a while. hurry up & wait & all that.

so that's that i guess.. not overly surprised at being admitted, honestly. knew it was a possibility all along. and really, with the way everything else has gone - should we be surprised? :p

Baby's room!

2010-12-29T23:15:00.001-04:00

I took a few minutes and took some shots of kidlet's room tonight. It's pretty much done... well, except the closet needs to be re-organized, but you'll see why :P

So we start our tour to the left of the door when you walk in (facing window). First thing is the crib.The crib blanket & mobile were hand-me-downs from a friend, but hte colors worked well, and hey, can't beat the price. PLUS, cute cows, pigs & sheep. SCORE! Also, the Ikea heart pillow I've had for years. I well, heart it. I'm planning on using it for Spark's monthly 'progress' shots...

This is the shelf above the crib with all of Spark's stuffies on it. Everything from a small herd of cows & teddies to eeyores & other disney ilk.

And here's a better view of the crib quilt... cute, no? Also, the diaper bag I won on eBay. Again, heart.

Better picture of diaper bag & accoutrements. It's a Fleurville sling that I won for $70 inc. shipping on eBay. They retail in town here for $225. Um, score? Ya, I thought so too. It's missing the wipe container, but I had a Pampers one that works just fine, and otherwise it's in brand-frickin-new condition. Again, SCORE.

My comfy chair (glider) & ottoman. In the corner where there's currently a bag, I'm going to pick up a little table to put the lamp (matches crib set) and his books (currently in front of dresser).

Dresser with change pad, wipe warmer (from a friend!), various wipes & such, bunch of books, laundry basket & diaper basket (white). Nothing overly exciting, but it's all part of the room...

And uh, the closet. Jam-frickin-packed. THe clothes hanging up are up to the 6-12 month 'category' (not including sleepers...) The Ikea dresser is holding all larger sized clothes, there are a ton of toys to the right of the dresser, and the crib bumpers, and toddler-bed rail are stuffed to the left of the dresser. On top is the Ergo, and a bunch of other stuff I had no home for... Need shelves in room. pronto. Where the hell we're gonna squeeze 'em in, I dunno.

So that's that. I also got his memory book today from another eBay win... Wasn't a score like the other items I've gotten recently, but I had fallen in LURVE with it at Winners a few months back when I saw it on clearance ($13!) and foolishly didn't pick it up. So I sucked it up, and used money from the baby shower to pick it up full price. But i love love LOVE it. So purty. I've picked up the little photo albums that match it at Winners for $3-4 ea, and plan to put together little albums for the grandmas & aunties... y'know, in my spare time :P

Reflections on Christmas...

2010-12-25T21:16:00.007-04:00

past & present. And future, although I realize those won't be reflections :P
As J & I wind down from a decidedly low-key day, I can't help but think about how markedly different this Christmas is from last & from what we will be (most likely) experiencing this time next year.

Last year, as in all Christmasses past, we were childless. I spent the holidays with my fam in SK & J with his fam here in NS. IVF was 'in the works' and had been for a while, but so many little obstacles popped up, as is always the way.

This year, I'm 34.5w pregnant after our first IVF attempt was successful. Our son is squirming around in my tummy as I type ("hi Sparkle!!")... This year we didn't exchange gifts with our families - "the baby is everyone's (slightly belated) gift", we said. We were able to get up at our leisure & open the few gifts we had, dine on toast & bacon for brekkie, nap & play Angry Birds to our content, and even throw together a decent turkey-esque dinner...

Next year though, is when the fun will really begin. We will most likely have an 11-11.5mon old in the house, and while he won't "get" Christmas yet, I suspect the energy will be very, very different. We'll have a tree up again (not my little ceramic one that mom made many moons ago), and it will be our little mister's First Christmas. Santa & Christmas Spirit will be alive again, stockings will be hung... somewhere? Gifts from Mommy & Daddy, grandparents & Santa under the tree... I can't wait. Sure, it'll be a bit chaotic - aren't most family holidays though? And isn't the chaos of the toys & wrapping paper, etc what it's all about? "They" say Christmas is for the kids, and I think they're right (whoever they are)... and honestly, I can't wait. God knows we've done enough waiting round these parts.

To those reading whose dreams haven't come true yet, I truly hope 2011 is your year.

34weeks... *

2010-12-21T21:01:00.001-04:00

*parts of this post could be TMI to some.. don't say you weren't warned!

Time is just a-flyin'! And I think.. 'stuff' is starting to happen too..

I'm feeling a LOT more movement since Sunday's false alarm. Mostly down low, but some tai-chi like movements under my ribs. I was talking to my naturopath yesterday, and she thinks the fluid on Sunday was likely a small leak in my fluid sack or a small secondary sack of water (possibly from the twin that didn't make it?).. Regardless, she agrees that I most likely didn't pee myself Plus, I had some yellowy-greeny snot-like discharge when I got home last night, and a bunch of EWCM-like discharge again this morning. Mucus plug starting to move on out perhaps??

I really think my feelings of "baby will be here sooner than later" is totally what will happen. I'd like him to hang out til 36w or so (Jan 4 - two weeks from today), but really, I gots no control. Really should be upstairs packing bags instead of playing on the computer, but meh I finally got the load of small FuzziBunz diapers from a friend yesterday, so those are in the wash and will be ready to go soon. Not that we'll be using them from teh very very beginning (have Huggies for that), but probably soon enough... crazy.

And now, because you've been patient, here's a pic of me from this evening. I'll try and get a nicer one of J & I on Friday when we're at one of our work functions.Until then, this will have to do. Thoughts on this vs. the last pic (31 w)? Think babe's dropped at all?

well that was interesting...

2010-12-19T18:13:00.003-04:00

ended up at the hospital this morning, as i thought my water broke while I laid in bed. I was waiting for J to get out of the shower (we were to meet friends for brekkie) and I felt this pop and gush of fluid... so we had a bit of a rush around the house (packing and stuff, JIC) and went into the hospital.
They hooked me up to the monitors & sparkle was doing well.. they couldn't get a sample of fluid from the underwear I brought in, so the OB on call did an internal exam and checked everything out, and turns out that nope, false alarm, but man, I was so sure it was the real thing. And honestly, from what I'd told the nurses/dr, they thought so too, but nope. Because it was a false alarm, they sent me home...

So now we're home and I had a bit of a nap and a shower, and well, I really just have to get my arse in gear and really pack those bags now Being not quite 34 weeks I'm at an odd spot - baby could need steroids for lungs, and they weren't sure whether they'd induce or admit me to put on antibiotics to keep him in to bake a bit longer.

33w appt update (updated, hah)

2010-12-17T08:14:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to update after yesterday's appt... doc was happy w/ u/s results, fluid levels, bp, protein, but he still wants to keep a close watch. I go back next week for another BPP, and see how that goes. he's ordered another trutol (1 hr GTT test) & a bunch of blood tests that I need to get done today or Monday, just to keep an eye on things. He's kinda perplexed by baby's size, where the trend with moms w hbp is that babies are usually closer to average, not 95+%ile, hence the third sugar test.

As for J's surgery, it was postponed until the new year, as a more pressing case came in through Emerg. So now, we're kind of in limbo. We'll talk to the OB next week, and see what he thinks. I'm wondering if he'll schedule an induction (hopefully not C-sec) for 37-38w, and then we can schedule the surgery after that a bit. J's neuro is leaving the approximate time of surgery up to us, as much as possible. While the postponement is a piss off, we knew it was a possibility, but we do both appreciate the flexibility they're allowing us in scheduling around kidlet. So, long story short, hurry up & wait. Doesn't it figure?

33 week update..

2010-12-14T22:28:00.002-04:00

aka the one where i have a minor freakout.

So let's see... last time I updated, I was just at 30 weeks, and starting my 'sick leave'. It ended up coming at a good time, as much as sick leave can be at a good time, because I ended up with a doozy of a sinus 'thing' that lasted close to 2 weeks... also, that pesky BP thing. I went into the office on the 30th (31w) for my work baby shower, and sparkle got spoiled something rotten... was really sweet of everyone. Funny.. gifts from people I never expected to get gifts from, and no gifts from people I expected to get gifts from (as much as you shouldn't expect to get gifts from anyone, but kwim?). Here's a pic of me from that day... all huge and beachbally :P (I think people on twitter may have seen this? I can't remember) Regardless, that was the state of the belly at 31w. I will try and get a new pic tomorrow... Could be one of the last pictures... Speaking of pics though, I hadn't posted the last u/s pic we got (29w)... here ya go!

I'm feeling all right, all things considered (more shortly). I monitor my BP pretty much daily, and it's been ok. at my last appt (31w2d) it was good, but I love my GP, and she was the one who took it. I believe the protein was back at +1, where it's been for most of the pregnancy. Next appt is Dec 16 (this Thursday) and they'll do a biophysical profile (BPP), and monitor my BP & proteins again... I fully expect my BP to be outta whack though... and here's why...

Around the end of November (dates/times are blurring now), we found out that J's neurosurgeon would like to do some proactive surgery to remove a few of his meningioma that have been growing for a few years now. And given the state of the family at the moment, neuro suggested either rather immediately, or like 6 months down the road. All things considered, we opted for surgery this month, so on top of being on sick leave for blood pressure issues, my husband is having frickin brain surgery at the end of this week. While he's been through this before (in 2000, for a much bigger tumor that caused a huge seizure), it still frickin blows goats.

So ya. i'm ok. Baby is ok as far as I know. At my last appt he was still breech though (possibly "frank breech" (V-shaped; head & feet up, bum down), so am seeing my chiro to hopefully help with that. Webster Technique, anyone? She did one adjustment last week, and will do another tomorrow. Hopefully by Thursday's u/s, kidlet will be on the move. Babe has slowed down a lot this last week - didn't even flip for chocolate ice cream last night like he usually does. I am a bit worried that they'll want to induce me on Thursday... hopefully I can put that off til January, but I dunno. I just have a feeling that we'll be meeting our baby sooner than later. like, much sooner. Due to some odd circumstances (me being sick being one of them), I haven't been able to connect with the doula yet either, so if they DO want to induce me when J's still in the hospital, I won't have anyone there. am I freaking out? mmm, maybe just a little. Will try and update Thursday after my appt...

spare some good thoughts for these families, please??

2010-11-27T02:45:00.003-04:00

i found out yesterday that my friend S who did IVF the same time we did had her twins this past Monday at 29w6d. the little guys were just under 2&3 lbs and are in NICU right now, but she says they're doing well. it's a bit surreal to think that it could've been us having the baby already - i mean, they were ready to admit me last week, so...

coincedentally, a girl i follow on twitter (Jenny from What the Blog?) had her triplets on monday as well (28w1d)... again, babies are in NICU, but doing well given the circumstances.

So, if you've got a prayer or good thought you could send to these families with long roads ahead, i'm sure they'd appreciate it.

30 weeks..

2010-11-25T10:33:00.000-04:00

Officially 3/4 of the way thru my pregnancy - amazing. Time really has flown, especially with everything that's gone on since finding out we were pregnant back in May.

I have a bit of an update after last week's testing & such.. Short story - we're both fine :). I'm off work, but we're all good. Of course, it took me 4 days or so to find out that this was the case... ugh.

So, after Wednesday's appt, I did the 24h urine collection on Thursday, and took it to the lab first thing Friday... Apparently I needed more bloods drawn, so I had those done, and they said results would be in later that day. I made sure they had my cell number, and left, (naively) expecting a call later that day to let me know whether I was to continue bei g off work, or what the case was. 5pm comes, no call... so I took it easy on the weekend, and went back to work Monday.

Monday morning I called the OB clinic at the hosp, explained my story a handful of times, and waited for a nurse to call me back. Not only did I not know whether I should be off work still or not, but if so how long; also I was curious abt my labs & noone had told me on Wed when/if I should book my next appt for. So I waited, nothing that moring... nada. I called back after lunch, was told the dr who'd seen me up at u/s had my file, and was assured. the nurse would call me back by end of day. Which, of course, didn't happen. I was livid. Y'know, for people soooo concerned abt my BP a few days earlier, they sure didn't seem to care that it was now rising by the minute....

Tuesday morning I called the hospital again, and was PISSED. The receptionist took my message again, and finally, just before noon the nurse called me back. Apparently there'd been some mixup with my file (not surprising - story of my life). Labs were fine, and yes, I was still supposed to be off work. But for how long? SHe had no clue. When was I supposed to see a dr again? No clue. So I packed up my stuff and left work, possibly for good. She did call me back later, and said that yes, I was to be off work for good now, and my appt on Dec 2 with the OB (u/s & udate) will be good timing.. but y'know, no apology or anything about the mix ups, or anything. SO FRUSTRATING.

I've been checking my BP now that I'm home, and today for example it was 115/86. Yup, dangerously high NOT. Ah well. Taking it easy, and hoping that HR & Compensation at work can figure out how to deal with my leave a month early.

And now... to nap.

29w update...

2010-11-17T20:24:00.000-04:00

First off - wha?? 29 weeks?? when the hell did THAT happen?

I digress. I had my biweekly OB appt today, and unfortunately it didn't go as smoothly as the ones before.... while I've officially lost 1.5kg since my last appt (more by my scale, but whatever), my bp was up up up, and the protein in my urine was +3 (has been +1 all along). This worried the resident & OB, so they ended up keeping the Fetal Assessment u/s unit open for me so they could get a view of baby, they drew blood from me, and i'm off work until Monday at least. Oh, and I get to collect all my urine for a 24h period, starting tomorrow morning. Fun :eh: They're worried it's preeclampsia, which if it is, I will pretty much be off til baby comes...

The u/s was quick but good. Babe was moving around like a madman, and is breech (although not transverse like usual). He's almost doubled in (estimated) size now - up to 3lbs 14oz or so (was 2lbs at 24w). I have a picture, but won't be at work to scan it anytime soon. Maybe hubs can scan it at work - not sure.

so that's my update. funny that things are 'off' (well, potentially anyway), bc I've been feeling fairly good lately. FIgures, eh?

more pics - 28 weeks & change

2010-11-11T22:26:00.004-04:00

The belly is finally starting to round itself out... this was 28weeks... It was a long day, sorry for the long face..

We've gotten the furniture together this past week. And really, when I say "we", I pretty much mean Baby Daddy. The drapes are back up (still need a blind), the dresser is together & so is the rocker.

As you can see, I started doing baby laundry this week too. First load was just washcloths, receiving blankets & the odd bib & crib sheet. I've done a few more loads since - some tiny clothes (!!!) hooded towels & more crib sheets... love washing the little stuff.

A good day for babies...

2010-11-05T10:44:00.001-03:00

I received a phone call at 5:15am that a good friend was in labour, and can I please come take care of their 18-mon old? Sure thing, I'll be there ASAP. I arrived at 545, mom & dad were en route to hospital by 6 (had to transfer car seat), and baby was born just before 7am! Crazy, eh? Everyone's well, just a bit shocked by the speedy delivery ;)

While I was at my friends house, I was checking one of my chat boards, and there could be very good news coming soon for some other friends who have been trying to adopt for years now. I don't want to say much else, but if y'all can put some good vibes out there for these folks, I know they'd appreciate it.

Yay for babies!

Just fat..

2010-11-04T23:31:00.002-03:00

not diabetic! WAHOO!

Like I've said all along "I don't have diabetes, I'm just fat." I did the gestational diabetes screening test this morning... finger prick after fasting (result was 4.8 - normal is between 3.0 and 7.0), then I drank the trutol, and had 2 more draws of blood taken, one- and two-hours after the drink. The nurse called me later this afternoon, and "your results were perfect". She sounded pretty damn flabbergasted... as if she couldn't understand how someone my size isn't diabetic. OY.I've dealt with this type of comment in the past (dr. bastard, any time a new health care worker noticed I was taking metformin, etc), and it just burns my fat arse. BUT, it doesn't matter, bc I'm not diabetic.

Although y'know, I bet y'all $10 that they make me do the test again in about a month or so. Just because.... Oy. Whatever. I'll pass it again then too. so there.

Busy day! (27w update..)

2010-11-02T23:47:00.001-03:00

First off, I had my 27w OB appt this morning, and it went quite well..

bp was in about the same range it's been all long, hb was good (150bpm), and when the resident felt my tummy, she said that good ol' standby "yup! gonna be a big baby!" pfft. whatever, not much i can do at this point.
i got booked in for my 'official' gestational diabetes test - thursday morning. fasting, much gross orange drink & blood draws. fabulous :( eh, i'm not too worried as the first test came back well within range, so *shrug*.
on top of the GD test, also scheduled the next OB appt (17tg - 29w1d), and i have an u/s appt on the 25th (30w2d), so the appts are coming fast & furious now.
best part of the appt was the fact it was scheduled for 9:15am, and by 9:10, i had already completed the portion of the appt with the resident & seeing the actual OB was just a formality. back at work by 10... usually you wait at least an hour just to see the resident.

once i was back at work, i got an email abt a work baby shower for sparkle at the end of the month. he's gonna be one darn spoiled kidlet! We also set up an email acct for kidlet so we could put baby-related appts in our google calendars in their own calendar. Super geeky, i know, but hey. not like the kid won't need an email address at some point, right?

And earlier tonight, we bought (and assembled!) a stroller. After Saturday's fiasco, we decided to go back to the stroller we'd been considering before the B-Nimble caught my eye, and bought a Graco FlipIt from Sears. They had the same model at WalMart, but after waiting for what seemed like forever for someone to help us, we realized we couldn't actually test drive the damn thing, as the infant seat was tethered to the side of the stroller for display. So we went across the street & Sears employees were super helpful, so we got it there. I liked the pattern better too :P

In other news :P I had a dream last night htat baby will be born on Jan 27 at 8:18 am. I wonder how close (far?) I'll be?? It was a home birth though, and i know THAT won't be the case. i'd be cool with the date though.

In speaking to a couple of friends last week who are due approximately the same time I am, I felt awfully lucky for how things have been going so far with the pregnancy. One, pregnant with twins, is on modified bedrest already. The other (singleton pg), is on modified duties at work. I'm slowing down a bit, but still working, etc. Still hoping to make it to the end of December as far as work's concerned... 8 weeks - I can do it (especially with a few holidays in there!).

Pictures (no particular order)

2010-10-31T21:39:00.001-03:00

We got the crib set up today, and picked up the dresser. The glider is also in, but they had it stored behind a whole bunch of stuff, so we told 'em we'd be back later this week. Crib is pretty though, no? And the dark wood will indeed tone down the bright green. Phew!

I was in PEI for work most of this past week, and my hotel room had a full length mirror, so I took the opportunity to take a 26week belly shot. I'm sorry this is dark, but it's the only one that's not blurry. Definitely getting a belly though (and this was before I ate out for 4 days straight!)...

Here are some shots from the shower. I don't have pictures of everything, but trust me, there was a lot of loot.

Frustrated...

2010-10-30T22:20:00.000-03:00

J & I went to go test drive/most likely pay for the stroller we'd decided on today. Got to the store and found out that that specific stroller has been backordered until Januaryish. Thing is, J called the same damn store on Monday, and they said it was available. So we drove all the way out there (half hour from home, plus crappy parking & store layout), and no stroller. I was LIVID. She starts showing us similar models, but I was just pissed. All I could smell was bait & switch. Lure us in, and then "oops, not available..." in hopes we'd buy something else, likely more expensive. Back in the summer I researched strollers for HOURS. Evenings on end. This was the only one that seemed to hit every criterion I/we had - lightweight, suitable from newborn, etc. And now, I get to do it all over again. I am NOT happy. Plus research the infant car seats, and find the best combo. FUN! (not).

y'know, I know that pregnancy/TTC/life in general shouldn't really be easy for anyone (except super lucky assholes with horseshoes firmly embedded up their arse), but my god. how many years we waited to finally attempt (and y es, be successful) pregnancy, then J has a stroke. Find a stroller, foiled again. Can't anything go smoothly? I know it doesn't seem like much, but we've got enough stuff we still have to figure out (other baby gear - swing, pack & play, put together furniture, actually dealing with said baby once he arrives), I hate to have to uncross something off the list and do it again. I've tried looking into stuff tonight, and i don't have it in me.

I have the pictures from last weekend's shower, and I'll try and put them up tomorrow in between ghosts & goblins...

oops...

2010-10-24T20:44:00.002-03:00

didn't realize it'd been almost a month since I last posted. Bad bad blogger/mommy. I've been busy though. Crazy crazy busy. Dad left at the beg of the month, then it was Thanksgiving, and then I headed out west to visit the rest of the fam for my last solo(ish) trip. Had a great trip, visited with friends & family, even met my future daughter-in-law! See, most of my friends here have boys... like, overwhelmingly so. And all the babies to be in the next while that I'm aware of are also boys. So when a friend in SK had a little girl at the end of Sept, I claimed her as my baby boy's bride-to-be. :D

anyway. Things have been going along pretty well here... had another ultrasound on the 14th and baby's up to about 2lbs already! Still in the 90th percentile for growth - "a big baby...", and cute as ever (you can see latest ultrasound pic here)...

A good friend threw a shower for us today, and our friends spoiled us/baby rotten :) I didn't take any pictures at the shower (waiting for pics from a friend), but I did take one shot of the goodies after we got home. outfits, toys, washcloths & such - so much baby goodness <3 One of my favorite pieces though, is the following onesie - isn't it awesome? :D

I will add more pics from the day and a more detailed recap later, but for now I'll just say it was a great day with good friends, good food, games & some super cute baby gear :) Thanks again to all those who made this a super special day & those who couldn't make it but sent gifts.

22 weeks! (pics..)

2010-09-28T14:29:00.001-03:00

Here's a pic of me taken last night after work. Almost 22 weeks... so hard to believe.

Here's a shot of my dad finishing up the trim in the nursery.. I love how the paint turned out. So bright & cheery. We're going to go with dark furniture & a denim-y blue trim, which I think will tone things down a tad...

While Dad & J painted, I was "errand girl". The go-fer of sorts. Go fer sandpaper, go fer rollers, etc. But really, the hat says it all ;) I was the boss, they were the 'honey - do' guys.

Things are trucking along fine. Happy to have baby's room somewhat finished. I'm feeling pretty good still. I've felt a few kicks, but still not really often. That I'm aware of anyway. Can't tell between digestion & baby (I'm slow like that, hah). While dad & J were painting, I took the clothes we've got so far & organized them a bit. Just to see what I had bought, and what I'd stashed in the "baby gift" drawer that I wanted to keep for our kidlet :P And now I have little piles of little clothes. At least one outfit for each size up to 24 mon :P They still need to be washed, but it's something. We got the first gifts off our registry last week too! The jolly jumper, a Sophie, and a rear-view mirror so whoever's driving can keep an eye on baby boy. It's all getting real now!

Enough 'blathering' though. will update again when there's something to update :)

the day after...

2010-09-17T21:24:00.000-03:00

so, about 24h since I've posted, and i'm in a much different state of mind than I was yesterday. I had a good cry last night, and talked to some friends, ate nothing but crap today, and did a bit of retail therapy, and strangely, i'm feeling pretty good now.

I've uploaded the u/s pics, and they can be found on the ultrasound pic page..

Today's ultrasound...

2010-09-16T23:03:00.000-03:00

Well, the 20w u/s was this morning, and everything is measuring really well. Baby is beautiful, and quite active (thanks, OJ!). Dr. measured him to be in about the 89th percentile right now, so he's telling me to expect a big baby, but who knows what exactly that means.. regardless, we're quite happy with the news that our SON is healthy & growing like a weed. He's measuring approximately 14oz.. almost a pound already, insane.

Honestly, I am a tad bit sad that it's not a girl. I was ok with the news (I think I 'knew' but was holding out hope) that it was a boy until we were at the mall tonight. all the super-cute girly stuff - the little argyle tights, silver slippers, dresses & skirts... is stuff that I'll never get to buy. And can't even really buy as a gift, as all my friends here have boys too. If nothing else, having a boy will probably be easier on my wallet than a girl - less "omgit'ssocute"... fewer shiny, distracting things when baby's a boy than a girl ;) and lord knows i'm easily distracted by cute & shiny :)

All that said, I'm sure that when baby is born I'll love him and feed him and he'll be absolutely perfect, and I'll wonder why I ever wanted a girl in the first place, but for now, I reserve the right to be a tad bit sad for the girl I won't have. Call it pregnancy hormones or something, who knows.

As for the poll that was up here, over half said it was going to be a girl. On one of my chat boards they predicted boy, and another board's poll predicted girl, so noone really knew :P

I'll scan the pictures we got when I'm at work tomorrow and post 'em then. toodles!

half-baked!!

2010-09-14T20:44:00.003-03:00

20! weeks! pregnant!

I cannot believe that theoretically there are fewer days until we meet the baby than there have been so far in the pregnancy.

Today was my 20 week OB appt... Things went rather well. my BP was decent (although I think the med student bust a few blood vessels in my arm. OW), heartbeat was in the 150-155 range, did the trutol test for gestational diabetes.. our maternal serum screening results were in. Based on my age alone, there was a 1:304 chance of defect (Downs, Trisomy 18 or spina bifida), but when they figured in the blood tests & 12w u/s, chances went waaaaaaaay down. Spina Bifida was 1:10,000 (virtually nil), Trisomy 18 1:5000 and Down's 1:1200ish. He was pretty happy with the results overall... said after Thursday's u/s those may go down even more.

I"m feeling pretty good. I think I've been letting myself get dehydrated on the weekends, bc I end up getting awfully lightheaded Sunday afternoons. I drink water all through the week (when i'm in the office anyway), but totally don't drink enough at home. i knwo i've got to fix that, but damned if i'll figure out how to remind myself. Here's the 20week belly pic....

I've got to go find some yoga pants & maternity jeans. Weather's taken a turn for the friggin cold here, and I don't think I'll be able to get away with capris & flip flops as long as I'd hoped, dammit.

ETA: OH! i have been meaning to post this for a while now (as it happened 2 weeks ago)... I felt *A* kick. I was laying in bed one night (on my tummy... i know, i know), and everything was calm... then *THUNK*. i was a bit freaked at first, until I figured out what it was. I probably have felt more than just hte one, but nothing definitive. Still hoping that i feel it more regularly soon. Can't wait to see little sparkle flippin & floppin on Thursday at the u/s... i'm already in lurve :)

Honey, do...

2010-09-12T22:54:00.000-03:00

I mean "honeydew". oops :P (or do I??? hmmm...)

We bought a sample jar of paint at Home Depot this weekend, and did a test run in the baby's room. The color we're going with is Honeydew by Behr. Painting in our house is usually a bit chaotic, so it doesn't happen often. But we gave it the college try. Here's the test once the tape came down...

Now, remember it's just 1 coat of flat finish paint + primer over a dark purply grey color, so another proper coat of paint will just finish it off.We'll be painting the trim again, bc the previous owners didn't believe in taping, and couldn't edge to save their souls. Not that I/we are so great, but there's purple on the front of the closet frame,etc. For the record, accent colors in the room will be pink or blue, depending on teh results of thursday's ultrasound, and no real 'theme', although there will probably be a plethora of cow stuff...

The room is essentially 8x10, as the closet juts into the room. We're keeping the trim & doors white, but trying to figure out what to do for furniture. the crib (convertible to double bed) & dresser/change table we're looking at are available in both white & espresso finishes. It's a small room, but I think the color will be bright enough that it can hold a few pieces of dark furniture. Or should we stick with white furniture which could create an uber-bright room? To me, dark furniture is classic & gender neutral; it'll grow with either a boy or girl. Whereas white furniture... eh. I like it, but it kinda screams girl to me. Not so much in the beginning, but will a 13 year old boy want white furniture? i'm going to say no :P

I realize I'm totally over-thinking, but that comes with living with hubs for 10 years... he's the king of overthinking things :P Your thoughts??

Best comment ever!

2010-09-09T22:46:00.001-03:00

Had dinner with some friends tonight, and when we were walking to the car, one said to me "by the way, you can TOTALLY see your baby bump now" and I think I may have swooned :P So nice to hear that from someone. Especially when you're convinced that you're hte only person who can see these things :P As proof, an impromptu 19w2d belly shot...

Got some news on the weekend that our next door neighbors are moving to a new house a bit further into town. Makes me sad, but as part of 'cleaning out the house', she gifted some baby stuff to us - tub, BF pillow, baby toiletries, etc. Love the sentiment, hate the reasoning. But if you're looking for a new place here in NS, I know of a place with great neighbors ;)

In other news, Ultrasound & OB appts are next week. Less than a week now to cast your vote for blue v pink, as all will be revealed this time next week.... Registries have been created (links on your right if you're so inclined), but they'll be updated after the u/s to stick a few more items in blue or pink :P

17weekish update...

2010-08-27T22:17:00.001-03:00

Not much going on here. I signed us up for prenatal classes today - 6 nights over the next 3 months. Weird how they schedule things but whatev. They're free - guess you can't ask too much :P

In slightly more exciting news, i think I can say that I am finally sporting a little bit of a baby belly. Now, I'm a bit of a 'fluffy' girl to begin with, so it's really just an enlargement of the mid-belly roll (bw boobs & tummy), but ah well.

Been feeling fairly good - bit off today, but other than that, pretty darn good for almost 18 weeks. I think we're going to do up the registry next weekend. Have to go to the mall for a hair appt anyway. Suggestions on what to put on the registry? We know what crib we're getting, can't get the stroller we want at Sears (or TRU for that matter).. but it's alll the other stuff I don't know what to put on there.

16 week update

2010-08-17T21:52:00.003-03:00

uh ya. 16 weeks. can you believe??? All sources (babycentre, my ticker :P) agree that the baby is now approx the size of an avocado... crazy.

After the "who's your doctor" clusterfork (explained midway through this post), I got a call from the clinic with an appt date for today, with one of the OB from the clinic who did my ET (let's call her Dr. Evil)... Now, this wasn't who was supposed to be following me for my pg, but it turns out that he-who-will-be-my-OB (Dr Y) is just on vacation, and I'll see him next month. Phew.

Anyway, we go in for the appt, they get the weight (ugh) and pee sample, then we wait for a bit. The resident came in, took my health history, did a bit of a physical exam, and then went to get Dr. Evil. J said that from the moment she walked in, you could feel the tension ... oops? Thankfully the resident or intern did most of the actual 'doctoring'.

In the less-than-10-min we saw Dr. Evil, we argued about why I was seeing her, instead of Dr Y. I told her that the referral never got sent over and she said that was "BULL" (then explain why I wasn't scheduled for an appt bw 8 & 16 weeks besides the u/s????) , and when I told her that my GP's replacement told me to reduce my BP meds, she flatly told me i shouldn't have done that. Whatev. Thing was that my BP at the GP appt was 120/82 after a crappy sleep, no meds yet that day, running around to drop stuff off at hte hospital for J, etc, while my BP at today's appt was up a bit, after having appts in the morning to get J discharged from the hosp (yay!) and had drank a bit more caffeine than usual, so I didn't think it was too bad. I explained that with J's stroke I was the only driver, and I didn't want to be lightheaded while driving, yadda yadda. she finally backed off, but srsly. it was tense :P On top of that, I often have 'white coat syndrome', so it probably WAS normal, except I knew I was going to have to see her... Oh yes. Then she told me that I'll probably have to do my Trutol test early (like 20 w), which I can only assume is because she expects me to have Gestational Diabetes. Y'know, bc I'm fat and all. Oy. I so hope to prove her wrong :P

I will give her credit though, in that she was able to find the heartbeat... which sounded pretty forking amazing. She didn't give an actual number, but when I offered that it was about 155bpm at the 12w u/s, she said that was 'about right'.

Next appt is the 14th of Sept (20 weeks!!!) with Dr Y, and then 2 days later is the BIG u/s. I definitely want to find out the baby's sex - I feel that we've had enough uncertainty to deal with lately, dammit...

So that's that for now. i have a bit of a bump that's formed right under my boobs, but baby is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY down in the pelvic region, so it's just displaced organs & such. Otherwise, feeling pretty good overall.

Eeek! Shower time!

2010-08-06T13:09:00.000-03:00

A friend messaged me last night asking if there were any plans for a baby shower yet, and if not, if I'd like her to host it. As far as I had known, there were no plans, so we chatted and came up with a plan, and now, a date!

some deets for the locals...

Sunday Oct 24

1-4 pm,

Tacoma Sobey's, Dart NS.

a map will be provided with the invites, all of which will go out, um, sometime in the next little bit I guess :)

I'm a bit in shock. For some reason, this makes it seem more 'real' that there's a baby on the way :P

Sorry for not posting... (long)

2010-07-26T23:08:00.001-03:00

I started this post almost a week ago. I do not have the energy in me to finish the post I meant to write, so I'll shorten it up a bit, and post portions of what I've written to date.
*********************
well hol-eeee crap. I'm 12 weeks along today!! There are (hopefully) less than 200 days til we meet the baby!!!

here goes... consider yourselves warned. :p a lot has happened, a lot will be written. Things have been a bit of a roller coaster lately. The babe & I are fine, but otherwise things have been crazy... Short story - argued back & forth with work for 2 weeks over a clarification on FOUR lines in our collective agreement re: medical appointments for pg employees, and in the meantime, hb had a mild stroke. much time spent in hospitals & freaking the heck out. very frustrated the clinic & work... Things are getting to be relatively normal now - the 'new normal', anyway.

longer story..
8w u/s - last real update. u/s looked good, RE gave me referral to an OB & blood reqs for MSS screening. I was notified the next day that the Nuchal u/s (12weekish) was booked for 12w2d, but I didn't really hear from anyone regarding an appt or anything. I started getting a little concerned, as I hadn't seen my GP (she's on sabbatical & has a replacement), and the OB's office hadn't called yet to set up an appt. But people kept assuring me this was normal, so I went on with life as it was. I ended up booking an appt with the GP's replacement for the week before u/s, and when I relayed the confusion over who was following my pregnancy, she suggested I call the OB's office... so I called them the next day (three weeks after i was last at the clinic), and turns out my referral was never forwarded from the clinic!!! Then the next day I finally hear back from clinic re: appt with OB. SEriously, three weeks and change to get the referral from one office to the other? they're down the road from each other. Gah.

Meanwhile, on the evening of July 2, J had a minor stroke. We spent all day July 3 in hospital (he didn't tell me he wasn't feeling well on the 2nd, waited til the next AM - MEN!), and he was admitted that night. The stroke was caused by a bleed in the brain, and affected his arm & leg on the left side. I am thankful to report that he's come a long way in 2.5 weeks, and was moved to the rehab hospital today, after the drs got his BP under control. But I digress. For the week or so after the stroke, my manager essentially ignored the fact that my husband had HAD A STROKE when interacting with me, and could not understand why I was being abrupt with him when he'd bring up the leave thing (which he didn't get settled for over two weeks). Umm, the fact I showed up - good. Abrupt? comes with the territory, all things considered. Finally that whole shamozzle got settled, but not until his Admin Asst basically laid out my side of the story in blunt form for him so he could realize he'd been being a bit of an arse :P Nice to have people on my side for once.

So ya, that's kind of where I've been. between hospitals & running around like a madwoman.. oh, and chiro. because of course, 13 hours of sitting in a chair at ER effed up my back :( I"m almost walking normally now, but not quite. Got over my fear of chiro really quickly, seeing as it's one of the only 'remedies' pg ppl can use for pain relief. here's hoping things the next 13 weeks only get better...

12w u/s..

2010-07-23T13:56:00.001-03:00

Sorry for not being around lately - I have a post started to explain what all's been going on, but in the meantime, I can tell you that we had our 2nd ultrasound yesterday, and the doctors are really happy with how Baby H. is growing. What a difference a month makes - baby's got arms & legs, a cute lil nose, lips, belly, all sorts of things. So cute <3 I have put a labeled copy of the picture on the ultrasound pic page. Interestingly, both the fellow & the OB who looked at the u/s said that they could see a second sac, but it was empty. I'm not really surprised, I mean, we put wo embies in, and I could've SWORN i was having twins at first... so, who knows. Just thought that was kinda neat.

Next ultrasound is a whole 8 weeks away. God, it's going to seem like forever. But it's up at the same place we had yesterday's hour-long u/s, and this will be the detailed anatomy scan... including baby's sex if we're interested. Still trying to decide whether or not to get that part done, but I guess we have about 8 more weeks to decide. We don't want to pay to find out, but I think that with everything else going on, it makes the most sense. So start making your guesses over in the poll (to your right).

First baby gift!

2010-07-02T23:20:00.002-03:00

Isn't this adorable?? There was a parcel in our mailbox today, and it was this darling sweater from my friend Tasha in SK... (same person who knit the cow sweater in this pic). I just love it. And so glad that the sweaters will be able to be put to use soon. Yay for babies!! and yay for fabulous friends :)

yesterday's u/s..

2010-06-23T12:49:00.000-03:00

I have uploaded the pic on a separate page - ultrasound pics. That way, if you want to see you can click through, otherwise you're not bombarded :)

So much for mother's intuition...

2010-06-22T13:14:00.002-03:00

... and well, most of yours as well, I suppose ;) We had our 8w u/s today, and there was one little pea in the pod, heart beating good & strong. I will scan our picture tomorrow at work. But yay, baby M or J due sometime early 2011!!!

here are hte poll results...

Touching base... and a link for y'all to check out.

2010-06-19T10:53:00.000-03:00

hey ladies :) Sorry for not keeping in touch lately. Things have been going rather well - not overly nauseous, not horribly tired as EVERYONE said I would be.My boobs are growing (finally... only waited 35 years to have a decent rack), i'm bloating a bit & had to buy mat pants about a week ago, and have had a few odd cravings (spaghetti bolognese or Mushroom Fried Rice anyone?), but honestly, I've felt pretty damn good. I'm happy. My RMT told me that I ... "look happy. There used to be a sadness, and now it's gone" (and that was before beta even!).

Our u/s for 'counting the babies' is on tuesday, and both J & I are looking SO forward to it. Like I've told mom, I will be more surprised if there is only one baby than if there are two, but we'll see. Other than 'litter theory', I have really nothing to base my theories on, but we'll see. Speaking of the u/s - there are only a few days left to vote in the polls to the right if you haven't already done so. As of this morning, there have been 16 votes for how many - only two of you have thought it's a singleton, so looks like I'm not in the minority thinking it's a couple babies :) Thankfully, no one has voted "OTHER", and for that, I love y'all even more. As for the twin breakdown, 10/12 think it's boy/girl. I'd love a girl, J'd love a boy, this would please everyone. But seriously, "as long as they're healthy" is all that matters.

In parting, please check out Murgdan's thoughts on "Leaving" IF .. this post, (and her intro post from her other blog "you can check out anytime you like...") really hit home. And they go back to what I was saying in my last post. just because I'm pregnant now, it doesn't negate any of our struggles from the past 4-5 years.

Anyway, I promise to post on Tuesday sometime after the u/s!

PG after I(V)F...

2010-06-05T10:41:00.001-03:00

...and I feel guilty for leaving IF friends behind. I wonder how our pregnancy will change some of my friendships with kewl infertiles, even those who I've known much longer than we've been dealing with IF. We have gone through four years of doctors, blood tests, meds, procedures (HSG, SA/SFA), appointments and WAITING, and were blessed to get pregnant during our first (and probably only) attempt at IVF (thanks, ICSI). Does that mean I won't remember what it's like to want something and not be able to have it? I don't think so. I still remember what it's been like everytime a friend announced a pg (or two), the birthday parties we were (or weren't) invited to, the showers which while celebrating the baby-to-be still hurt a bit, etc.

The thought that some of my good friendships could be (have been) strained by our news makes me sad. My friends are very important to me, and I hate being in situations where these friendships are strained.

For gals who have been in the same situation, is there anyway to avoid this happening? way to fix it? am i doomed?

bah.

DuckFest

2010-06-03T14:19:00.000-03:00

(aka, a post NOT about me, or pregnancy).

Have you heard about DuckFest? It's an online drive to raise money for JD, whose mother died suddenly last week. You can learn more here (I'll wait) and here is the list of items for auction. Check out the auction items, bid, do some good.

Just for fun...

2010-05-31T23:19:00.001-03:00

Thought it was time for a new layout - brighter colors given the good news, better layout, etc.

I've also added a couple polls on the side - one to find out how many beans you think we'll have, and for those of you who think it's twins (and there are a few who have mentioned twins..), which configuration they'll be in. The polls will be kept open until the night before our ultrasound.

Beta day!

2010-05-31T19:42:00.002-03:00

I was at the hospital for 8 am today, and out about 8:40.. ran a bunch of errands, and was at the spa when i saw a missed call on my cell (10:30!). It was the clinic, and my nails hadn't been done yet, so I called them back, and got the great news... My beta number was 585, which for almost 5 weeks is 'great' according to the clinic. Especially when you take the general nausea into consideration as well... Apparently there's no way to tell from beta numbers whether the woman is carrying mults or not... just have to wait til the 22nd of June, when we have our first ultrasound. CANNOT wait.

According to the clinic, my due date is Feb 1. The IVF.ca calculator I referred to back in this post calculated Jan 31... my birthday is the 30th... I'll stick with the 31st for now, but really, "baby will come when s/he/they are ready" right? :P

Broke down...

2010-05-28T14:43:00.005-03:00

this is (epically (yes, that's a word) ) long, sorry.

So ya, I broke down and called my parents after work yesterday to give them the good news.
Mom answered first, so once we got over the initial pleasantries, things went something like this..
C(helle) ya, things are going pretty well over here. Actually, that's why I'm calling. I've got some news for you..
M(om) oh?
C: ya, um, we did our IVF cycle this past month, and looks like we're expecting!
M: oh Michelle, that's wonderful!!!
C: *grinning* thanks, we're pretty excited. It's pretty early, but I wanted to let you know what was going on..
M: just one second, let me get your father.. *calls down* Julius! Get on the phone! Michelle wants to tell you something!
D(ad-zilla): *mumbles*
M: (to dad) do that later! Just pick up the phone!
M: (to me) He's folding laundry. He'll be on in a second…
C: no worries.. Sorry for holding out on you guys.. I just wanted to be able to surprise you..
M: Well, I knew you were working up to it, but wasn't sure when it was going to happen..
*Dad joins in then*
D: hello?
C: hey dad…. So um, how would you feel about being a grandfather again?
D: *verklempt* Oh!!! Wow… I'd like that!
C: good, that'll happen sometime in January.. I'm technically due Jan 31, but I'm sure that will change… Also, there's a good chance it's multiples, so possibly early Jan… I have a blood test on Monday, that will give an idea, but will know how many for sure in about a month when we have our first u/s…

Needless to say they were pretty excited.:D

I had been planning (um, forever) to send them a picture frame I'd picked up eons ago, with the baby poem in it and have them find out that way, but oh my god, the wait would've been excruciating. I'll still send it out to them, but I just couldn't keep them out of the loop any longer.

I explained that Kim knew, because I needed to tell someone 'family' JIC something happened… They were cool with that - understood that I wanted to be able to surprise them, etc. I apologized (again) for holding out on telling them, and gave them the background on why it took so long to get the cycle going & how I've been feeling (fine, for the most part). Mom said that when she was pg with me (same time of year, obv, where the baby's due the day after my birthday), she felt the 'best she's ever felt!" but that each pg is different, etc. She asked if she could tell my aunt & ext. family there in Regina tonight when they get together for my uncle's bday, and I said that was fine, but to tell my cousins to keep it off FB (J's sis doesn't know yet, etc). I said we were telling close friends & family nowish, but general public won't know until later on.

So ya, that was it pretty much. They're thrilled for us & I feel so much better now that they're in the loop. I can't wait for Monday's test, bc having the official numbers would be good. I do feel very positive about the pregnancy - there's no history of m/c or anything in the fam, and well, the more positive one is, the better.

Wheeeeeeee!

2010-05-27T11:46:00.003-03:00

http://tweetphoto.com/24159059

'nuff said :D

The girl who cried positive?

2010-05-26T09:02:00.002-03:00

So after last night's excitement, i couldn't sleep... Which lead to a tea & snack at 1am... Which then meant i had to pee again an hour later... of course i dragged out a test, and it came up within a minute or so... Yay! Which finally allowed me to get a bit ofsleep... Only 3.5h though, and when i tested at 6 (bc now i'm addicted...) possibly the faintest of lines showed up... But not right away, maybe 10min? this was taken 20min post-pee, and shows 7pm, 2am & 6 am from top to bottom.

http://tweetphoto.com/24008186

I'm still counting 2am, as i KNOW it turned within a minute or so, and well dammit, i want to BELIEVE. I showed J. the 2am stick this morning, and he says he's excited, but was just waking up, and has other (read: work) shite on his mind. And then of course, I had to explain to him how the pg timeline works... DGT started Apr 19 (5 wks ago), ER was 2 wks ago & ET was 12 days ago, but yet we're considered 4 wks pg. no wonder the poor man was confused.

I will procure a digital test tonight, but will probably wait til the weekend to pee on it....

oh who am i kidding. i'll post again tomorrow :P

Ummmm

2010-05-25T23:26:00.002-03:00

I could be making a big deal out of nothing, but this is from this
evening... http://tweetphoto.com/23974310
Too dark to be evap, no? I'm such a dolt. Peed, didn't see line
immediately, so turfed it and went downstairs. Few hours later, it's
time for bed and i check it jic (bad habit)... Et voila!
Now i don't know what to do - wait til thurs, as i've promised a
friend, or pee again with fmu and wait for the results...
Funny, i had a whole other pee-stick post forming in my head, but now
it doesn't matter (as long as this is right, anyway...)

11dp3dt

2010-05-25T10:14:00.004-03:00

Also known as 14 DPO. I"ve been feeling all right - no real symptoms to mention, other than the fact that I'm completely turned off cheeseburgers right now.

"But Chelle," you say. "You LOVE cheeseburgers…"

I know, I know. Weird, eh? I am much happier eating a salad right now, than the thought of a greasy burger. In fact we stopped at McD's on Saturday on our way out of town, and I felt ill for the next few hours. Needed a nap, some ginger ale & to continue eating (carrots, amazingly). Was it pg or just the big mac? Time will tell :P

But I dunno.. Getting a few crampies in mah tummy, and wondering if it could be DGT about to make an appearance. I sure hope not (I mean who DOES), but gah. I haven't tested lately, and I don't think J. really wants me to, but I may later this week if the tummy gurgles keep up.

ETA: I thinkt he crampies are just hunger. one grapefruit and some water does not fill a tummy for the whole morning. Shanghai noodles for lunch FTW!

one week down...

2010-05-21T23:12:00.000-03:00

today is 7dp3dt, or, in english, a week ago today the two little ones (doodles) were transferred back into my uterus. Otherthan the twinges I mentioned earlier in the week, I haven't really had any symptoms. Neither symptoms of pregnancy nor , where it's 10 days after (forced) ovulation, PMS.

I get asked a dozen times a day how I'm doing, and honestly - I feel really good. Now, could be that i'm eating a bit better (just don't want burgers/fries for the kids first meals :P), or who knows. I don't think I've had any more twinges or pokey feelings, but maybe i have and just wasn't as in tune as i happened to be on tues night.

we're heading to a friend's campground for the weekend to just chillax - will be nice to take it easy, lounge by the river & campfire, etc. cannot wait.

10 more sleeps til beta....

Trigger is out of my system

2010-05-19T06:25:00.003-03:00

BFN - but that's ok. This time.

As i was saying in my last post, as i was laying in bed last night, i could feel some weird niggly feelings in the ovary/ uterus region (at least i think so). I'm no stranger to food-related stomach issues, and it wasn't that, so who knows. Is gonna be a loooooong wait between now & beta day. 12 more days - yikes...

Eeek.

2010-05-19T01:45:00.002-03:00

I feel crampingish twinges in the vicinity of lefty. Could it be?????
Did ivf truly work??

I broke down

2010-05-18T23:58:00.003-03:00

Fyi : 2-pks of pee sticks are on sale at Shoppers. 2-2pks are an even better deal. I can't resist a deal (see where this is going?)

Yup, i bought pee tests, even though i swore i wouldn't. I'll test when i getup in the middle of the night, and then, i dunno. I realize any + i get now is trigger, that's cool. Or that it could be a neg right now. That's ok too. It won't be two weeks from now, but at this point, am ok.

In other news, i had coffee (well, iced tea) with another girl from our clinic who has been cycling at the same time. We did our ERs the same day, and her blasts made it to 5dt. It was great to chat with someone who was going thru the same things, dealing with the same ppl, etc. We ended up having a lot in common - both relocated prairie girls (she's from Regina/edmonton), same dates, etc. We may meetup again next week, see how 2ww is going, etc.

I may go crazy...

2010-05-16T21:27:00.001-03:00

About this time last week I injected 10000 IU of HCG into my body as my trigger shot. According to this article, the HCG will still be in my system for up to 14 days from the time of shot... so no testing until next Sunday/Monday at the earliest. My beta (quantitative bloodtest) is scheduled for 2 weeks from tomorrow. I have no pee sticks in the house, and plan to keep it that way...

However i have been feeling a bit nauseous these last few days, and with all my being hope it's a pg thing. I know it's too early to be feeling anything, the doodles are still floatin around in the uterus, lookin for a place to hang for the next 9 months or so. If I am already feeling things (or so I think), what the hell does that mean for later in the 2.5ww?

ETA: i am also taking progesterone & estrogen for embryo support, so really, i guess it could be anything. But oh how the mind likes to play games....

best words of advice...

2010-05-14T16:50:00.000-03:00

from a friend in TX - "rest? YES. Dream? YES. You are going to be the BME (best mom ever). LET someone take care of you." ♥♥♥

and that's kinda the plan. i'm off work until next wednesday, and just going to lay low & take it easy. we'll go out to see friends tonight, and i have acu tomorrow afternoon.

PUPO!

2010-05-14T16:40:00.001-03:00

Our transfer was this morning, and it went fairly well. My first question for the embryologist was "how're the little ones doing" and she told me that they had both divided. One was 6-cell, one was 8-cell. Both had some fragmentation (over 10%), so they were graded as 16/20. because of the fragmentation, we were told that they would not survive freezing well, so we decided to transfer both back.

So, as of about 10 am this morning, I'm PUPO. For those of you not up on the lingo, that's Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. My beta (blood test) is May 31 - 17dp3dt. I know, you're like "wtf". 17dp3dt is pretty easy to explain. it's 17 Days Past 3 Day Transfer. from what I've read, most clinics don't wait that long, but i guess ours does. oh well.

here's a neat chart from IVF.ca, showing due dates (Jan 31 - wooo!), trimester dates, etc. sorry if it's a bit hard to read. It's based on our retrieval date, which for all intents & purposes was ovulation, and counted as 2weeks (even though it'd been 3 wks since CD1).

yay for cell division!

2010-05-13T11:45:00.000-03:00

I spoke to the clinic about an hour ago - we have 2-4 cell embryos!! There is a bit of fragmentation, but the embryologist said they looked good. They gave us the option of a 5-day transfer, but given that there are only 2, we will stick with a day 3 transfer. So, tomorrow at 930 we'll be back at the clinic for transfer.

EEEK. cannot believe it's here.

If you want to check out what embies the same age as ours are at, here's a neat link showing almost hour-by-hour development & division... For your viewing pleasure, I've started it at four-cell, just like ours were when i got the call...

and then there were 2...

2010-05-12T12:02:00.000-03:00

I spoke with the embryologist about an hour ago... of the 8 eggs, 5 were injected. And of those, 2 have fertilized. well, three did, but the 3rd is abnormal, so nada. So there's two. We'll do a day three transfer of both embryos (if they make it to Friday), and hope for the best. THat's all you cna do, right? I had my requisite freak out earlier, but i'm doing ok now. i've booked my pre-transfer acu session for tomorrow morning, and have one for saturday afternoon all set up.

For those of y'all not in the know about ivf & such - here's an article explaining day 3 v day 5 transfers...

In related 'news', we received an amazing gift yesterday from a bunch of friends from far and wide. There was flowers, cupcakes, gift cards for dinner, a gift cert for a mani & pedi, ice cream, a nice mug... all kinds of stuff in it. It was really quite overwhelming, just knowing how much love there is coming to us from all corners of this country.

To everyone, thank you for your support. I really do have the best friends.

home again...

2010-05-11T12:37:00.000-03:00

well, we're home already... We got to the clinic around 745, and i was back in recovery 2 hours later. details are sketchy, but it really didn't take that long from what i can remember. good pain meds, and i was drifting in/out. but they got 8 eggies, so i'm really happy with that. they'll do ICSI this afternoon with them, and then tomorrow we'll get hte fertilization report. We should be able to go to a 5 day transfer (sunday)...

Due to my blood pressure, RE is recommending we don't go with a twin pregnancy (so SET - single embryo transfer), but i don't know. I would feel better transferring two, but J & I still have to make that decision. Also on the "shit to talk about' list - freezing extras. Mr. Science is not sure if he wants to go that route, but I figure if we only transfer one, we really really should do freezing. if we transfer two, different story.

anyway, dr. jamie is saying it's time for my nap. thanks so much for all your support. It means so much to both of us.

Sunday update

2010-05-09T11:27:00.001-03:00

E2 was 12100 (up from 9300 yesterday) and so tonight is trigger time!
9pm to be exact... Then no meds until happy drugs tues at the clinic.
We have to be there for 8am, and ER will be at 9... Happy mother's day
to us!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T09:56:00.000-03:00

nothing like getting up at 630 in the morning on Mother's Day to go have blood drawn... We got to the clinic around 730, and by the time the nurse showed up, there were 5 of us (plus asst'd hubbies) waiting to get in. busy busy day at the clinic. When we got in for my bloods, the nurse said I would most likely be triggering tonight, and ER would be 9am Tuesday. TUES.DAY. Can you believe it?

I just reread my post from this time last year, and I'm happy I'm in a better place right now. Hopefully next year's post will be written while our 3month old is sleeping...

I'll end today's post with a great quote from Nia Vardalos' article on Mother's Day...

A small social guideline: don’t ask a woman if she is pregnant, unless her water breaks on your flip-flops, a baby arm dangles out of her vagina and she asks you to cut the cord. Then, and only then, may you ask if she is having a baby. Otherwise, shut up.

Weekend Update..

2010-05-08T12:50:00.000-03:00

..with Seth Myers. I kid, I kid. how awesome would that be, anyway? :P

Anyway.

We were at hte clinic bright and early (before the nurse - oops!), and had the bw & u/s... blood level (E2) came back at 9100, more than double Thursday's value, and follies were looking good. Average is about 19mm - one's over 20mm and one's almost 23mm... I am to take one more day of stims & Suprefact, and the nurse was QUITE sure I'll be triggering tomorrow night. Which puts ER for Tuesday, and ET either Friday or Sunday. either way, J won't have left for TO yet, so that's a relief. I'm just trying to figure out which days to take off - Tues/Wed & Mon/Tues or ???

Left ovary is still behind the uterus, so it's really hard to get a good number from there. The nurse assured me I'll get drugs for ER, and that there will most likely be a bunch of follies on Lefty they haven't been able to get a view of once they go in for ER. Phew.

Regardless, things are moving ahead. Cannot believe it. EEEEEK. :D

Update! (updated the update, hah)

2010-05-06T10:43:00.002-03:00

Just got in from my monitoring appt, and things are looking good. Lining was nice and thick, (at least) 5 follies on the right and 3 on the left. Lefty was kinda hiding behind the uterus, so OW. But really. Not too bad. The follies she measured were on average 15-17mm, so things are looking GREAT. Based on my E2 today (Monday was 1100), the nurse expects I'll go back in for a scan & bw on sat or sun, and trigger will likely be sometime this weekend! Squeeee!

Holy crap it's almost here. (where's the shocked emoticon guy?)

Updated...
Nurse has already called back (!!) - E2 is 4100, so up nicely.. I'm in for bw & us on Sat and probably trigger on the weekend!!

Also, had stim-protocol acu last night, and it was so weird. Good weird, but still. For the first time in the 1.5 years I've done acu, they were all in my back (with exception of one in my calf, and one at the ankle, per leg). Guess something's working. Squeeeee!

Stims - day the fifth...

2010-05-03T15:05:00.001-03:00

I had my first bloodwork session this morning since starting stims, and I guess things are plugging along how they like. My dose (150IU Bravelle, 75IU Repronex) is staying constant for the next few days, and then I go in again on Thursday morning for bloodwork & u/s. After Thursday we should have some idea of when ER will be, and by extrapolation, when ET will be (no more than the 5th day after ER). Will be good to have some real answers to "so?? When will things happen" because "mid-may" is a crappy answer. And makes it hard to plan to boot.

I'm doing all right on the stims, but my stomach is allll irritated/bruised (and uh, I've got a bunch of stomach to bruise). Especially the right side (odd-numbered shots). It's quite tender to touch too. Basically, I'm pretty uncomfortable at work. Must wear less tight fitting clothes tomorrow.

But ya, that's the update. I'm pretty tired, and not sure if that's from the stims, or from waking up for a half hour at 3am. Either way, I wasn't impressed.

Stimulated!

2010-04-29T23:48:00.001-03:00

Just did my first shot... J and I sat in the shrine and i mixed the
meds and then tentatively stabbed myself with the meds. Didn't really
hurt, but i was nervous. We start antibiotics tomorrow, and next
clinic appt is monday for bloodwork. Until then, i hope i don't become
(more of) a bitchy wreck.

Ready... Aim..

2010-04-28T15:28:00.001-03:00

FIRE!

I get to start stims tomorrow! Wahooo!

And holy crap. I'm super nervous, as is to be expected, I suppose.

I have acu after work, then we'll be going to pick up the stims & our antibiotics… thank god for Mastercard, that's all I'm going to say :)

The plan is to start stims tomorrow evening, and as of tomorrow to reduce the Suprefact to 3x/day (1 shot per nostril still). This will continue for 10-16 days, and then I'll trigger. I go back in for bloodwork on Monday morning. Based on the results of that, the dose (currently 150 units Bravelle & 75 units Repronex) may be adjusted. But I'll worry about that later. Right now, just going to focus on the next 5 or 6 days.

I also can't wait to finally move past the 'precycle' sessions in the Circle + Bloom IVF program. Yay, I've graduated! :P

All ready for injections...

2010-04-27T14:00:00.000-03:00

I just hope the clinic says I am when I go for the 'mulligan' downreg on wednesday. I've set up our small bedroom (which will be the baby's room if we're so blessed) with a table for mixing my injections, and a mini-shrine with the sweater a friend knit for us/our baby and the 'basket o' kids' decoration my cooperating teacher gave me after I finished my first student teaching gig. While I did not become a teacher after everything, I still love the bucket, and it's moved with me quite a few times. And now, I think it's just fitting that it be in my 'peaceful room' where i'll be doing injections, etc. I so hope we have a kidlet that we can use that sweater on soon. It's such a waste to see it sitting in the closet just waiting most of the time..

Nat. Infertility Awareness Week

2010-04-26T23:08:00.000-03:00

Today is the first day of NIAW. There has been a movement on Twitter to try and make #infertility a trending topic today... while there's been many tweets made, unfortunately infertility didn't make it, but I think the event was still a success. I 'met' a lot of IFers whose journeys I am now following, and will be supporting them all the way.

Some of the tweets that I connected the most with....

If someone you love is struggling with #infertility, just LISTEN. Don't give advice; give love.
Once you start *really* listening, it's amazing how many people struggle with #infertility.
Loss of intimacy. Loss of privacy. Sometimes loss of faith
What if adoption wasn't the answer every1 gives 4 #infertility? Nothing wrong w/ adoption but it's only 1 option-don't dismiss our feelings
A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
I will not let #infertility take my hope. I WILL be a mother.
I have 5-6 less FB friends since posting about #infertility.. you can post your uterus pics & I can't talk about IF?

And something that I want to check out another night... Project IF (Part 2). Anyone can participate - IF or not! Check it out :)

In other news, I got a care package in the mail today from a good friend. It had a super cute springy purse & some Smarties - my comfort chocolate o' choice. It must've killed her to buy the smarties, as she's got a more refined palette than I, but she's an awesome friend, so went with what I like. I'm so lucky to have great friends, especially at times like this.

Infertility Awareness Week articles...

2010-04-24T06:10:00.001-03:00

Here are some articles about Infertility Awareness Week, which starts Monday..

Celebrating Infertility Awareness Week
Infertility? You are Blessed

This quote from the 2nd article really struck me...

So, when you want a child and can’t conceive one, can’t carry one to term, can’t imagine another cycle but can’t imagine giving up… how exactly is the glass half-full?

If you have a loving, supportive spouse, you are blessed... If someone outside your marriage is encouraging you, you are blessed... If you can afford ART, you are blessed.

Especially after the anxiety attack(s) today, I have to remember that. i DO have a loving supporting spouse, we DO have (many) outside my marriage encouraging me, we ARE able to afford a round of ART when many can't. I have to remember these things. I am blessed. And I thank you readers for the support you've given me over the many many moons that our IF journey has spanned.

Bah.

2010-04-23T09:34:00.001-03:00

I think I'm getting little anxiety attacks :( My chest feels a bit tight in spots, and even when I sleep it doesn't let up. I want to bawl at the drop of a hat, etc.

Both my naturopath and THE CLINIC have told me that I've got to relax, but it's so hard to relax when so much is riding on this. And the uncertainty from week to week isn't helping. I'm making sure to take my blood pressure & anxiety/anti-depressant meds, which usually control these (haven't had an attack in ages), but I think the combination of everything is just too much.

Fork, what kind of mess am I going to be if IVF does work? If it doesn’t?

One day at a time, right? One day at a time...

Downreg...

2010-04-21T09:51:00.003-03:00

I survived the wanding and bloodwork, but it was an experience for sure. I was quite dehydrated, so it was super hard to get any blood out of my veins. Like, multiple pokes, and a total of 1/2 vial. Oops? Then the u/s showed… you guessed it… a 2cm fluid-filled cyst on righty. (Did I not call that??)
So, not sure what will happen next. Three scenarios..
1) stay on same dose of suprefact for another week, and redo downreg next week/start stims next week
2) start stims tomorrow as planned
3) come in later this week to have cyst drained, and start stims ???
I will find out later today what the plans are.. I'll keep you posted of course...

ETA - my Estrogen levels were high (it was only day 13 of Suprefact, technically), so another week of snortage, and we'll redo the downreg us & bw next wednesday, with stims hopefully starting the next day. I know it's only another week, and in the scheme of things it's not that long, but i am SO bummed. i've almost been in tears a few times today. not cool...

Never fear...

2010-04-20T09:02:00.001-03:00

DGT is here :P

After an exceptionally crabby weekend, the biatch showed up yesterday after work. I could actually feel my mood changing and knew it was imminent.

Of course, I'd called the clinic in a tiny bit of a tizzy that morning, all worried about having the start of stims delayed because I hadn't had my period yet, and the nurse assured me it wouldn't be so much of a big deal. Then she says "well, you know that because you've called and we've talked about this, it will start today…" and sure enough, there she be :P

So that's my story. I'll practice with the injection kit tonight, and get things all set up and zen for injections to start Thursday. Gah. My first-evah wanding tomorrow (or, as a friend said "meeting with Mr. Scooter W.And"), and injections Thursday (hopefully) <insert wide-eyed emoticon here>. Cray-zeeeee.

Not much to report...

2010-04-18T22:34:00.000-03:00

Today was day 11 of suprefact, and meh, not much to report. 5 snorts of nasal spray a day (per nostril) and so far so good I suppose. The stuff tastes like CRAp when it runs into my throat, but honestly it could be so much worse. I've had my usual PMS symptoms lately (ie more tired & bitchy-er than usual), but no period yet. I was told I'd get DGT around day 7-10 of suprefact, so I'll call the clinic in the morning to see if this will screw things up at my downreg u/s on wednesday.

If wednesday's u/s goes all right (ie system is shut down properly) I'll start stims on Thursday. if things aren't 'adequate', more suprefact I guess, and wait for another week before stimming. hurry up. wait. same ol, same ol.

Why bother keeping it a secret?

2010-04-12T16:54:00.001-03:00

I found out this afternoon that pretty much everyone in our group at
work knows we've been trying to get pg, and most know about IVF. And
it wasn't because I told them (for the most part) either.

While i realize i posted last week saying that i wish i could tell the
ppl at work so i didn't have this big secret, the difference between
what i posted and the reality is the loss of control. One more thing i
couldn't control.

I'm not surewhy this makes me sad, but it definitely has brought me
down a bit. Thankfully i'm en route to dinner with some girls from
twitter - new & existing friends. Greek nachos will definitely cheer
me up.

Call me Superstitious...

2010-04-10T13:30:00.003-03:00

Or just super, if that's easier ;)

For a while now i've been trying to make little changes in order to hopefully bring about a positive test result from our IVF efforts. I listen to the Circle + Bloom sessions every night, i've cut out most caffeine (still have a tea a day, but no Diet Coke in over a week now), no more aspartame, and I'm just trying to think REALLY positive. Nothing really superstitious there, but wait :P

One other thing I have decided to do is wear my moonstone pendant (or keep it on me) every day until I do my beta, 16dpET (that's mid-to-late-may for those of you who don't speak IVF). It was given to me by a very good friend last year - the three stones are to represent me, J & baby Chelle-or-J. isn't that sweet? Not familiar with moonstone? Moonstone is "...a feminine gemstone. [It is a] much used gemstone in case of infertility and grants sometimes amazing results." Here's hoping it has that result for us.

So, might be a little superstitious of me, but I'll be wearing this pendant for hte next month or so. I wear it at least 3 or 4 days a week anyway, so a few more isn't much of a stretch.

Circle + Bloom...

2010-04-07T12:26:00.001-03:00

I'll apologize in advance for the rambly post, it's just how my brain works these days.

A while back now, I was on Fertility Chick's blog, and she mentioned that she'd been listening to Circle + Bloom's cycle-specific meditation tracks. I was intrigued, so I checked out the website, and downloaded the free 30-minute session for myself. I put the mp3 on my iPhone (which charges beside my bed at night anyway) and threw it on replay when I went to bed. I was in LURVE. The session completely blissed me out, and I was pretty close to asleep by the end of the first run-through. I chose to download the full 30-session set after only a few days of the free session. Then I befriended the owner (Joanne) on Twitter, and ended up becoming a beta tester for their IVF/IUI program! As it turned out, when I downloaded the full program, CD1 was just around the corner and I didn't know about the beta testing yet. These both happened shortly thereafter, so I haven't listened to the non-IVF program much, but I've liked the tracks I did listen to. They're all pretty much between 15 & 20 minutes in length - combination of music, guided visualization, relaxation principles, etc. Very zen... just what a girl needs when faced with crazy stress of IVF!

For more info on Circle + Bloom, check out this press release that appeared in a number of US newspapers last week.

hah

2010-04-07T09:51:00.001-03:00

I was commenting on a crafty blog this morning, and the capcha (ie squiggly word to make sure I'm not a bot) was 'SUPPRES'. Given that I start Suprefact in less than 24 hours, I thought that was pretty darn amusing.

Ok. As you were...

Torn..

2010-04-06T13:47:00.000-03:00

As I sit here waiting to start meds (40 hours!), I think of how in some ways it would be soo much easier if the ppl at work (besides my manager) knew what was going on… I hate making excuses for appts, etc "specialist, hubby's work times are effed up this week (mgr's idea - everyone will know is BS, as he works for the feds, 8-4 same as the rest of us), etc" because well, I'm just not good at lying, to be honest. Even if I use the "checking progress on some new meds" which is TRUE, I still feel bad for not being honest, y'know? As it is, if things work out I'll probably have to tell work ppl sooner than later, because we're going on a 4 day retreat thingy in June, and my manager wants us to go ziplining through a park. Ummm, no. But especially not if I'm pg. Waited too long, etc. Bah.

Then, I see the *whispering* going on that happens in an office, and eff it. I’m glad they don't know. But man, would it ever make things easier if I could come clean.

Why is it...

2010-04-03T21:00:00.001-03:00

That for the first time i can remember, it's CD15 and i have already
ovulated (ok, i did so yesterday, but still...)?!?!? This doesn't seem
like such a big deal, except for even when things are normal, i almost
never O until like day 17 or 18. Also? We're at j's parents for the
long weekend. In the most uncomfortable, squeakiest double bed evah.
So no last minute pre-ivf miracle for us....

In other news, omg, i start meds soon! It's finally here!! Ca-razy.
We're both keeping pretty hopeful and positive, and of course not
spilling beans to the fam. But i'm getting lots of relaxing in, which
is what my acu ordered... A month from yoday we should be gearing up
for retrieval.... Eek!

two two.. TWO posts in one!

2010-04-01T23:20:00.000-03:00

AKA injection training & a video clip (NOT of injection training).

We had our appointment at the clinic, and all in all, it went well.. I voiced my concerns about cysts, and the nurse said it's really not much of a concern for them. the suprefact should taken care of anything little, and if there are larger cysts, they'll drain them before getting too far into the stims. so *shrug* I dunno. they're cool with it. I guess I have to be too. Paid too much to NOT trust them, right?

Anyway, after going through the process, she showed us hwo to do the mixing of drugs, and i injected 1ml of saline into my belly... so i can do it! I was pretty nervous (both the nurse & J commented on how nervous I looked) but I did it. And really, I have 3 weeks before i start stims (if the downreg is clear...) so I can play with the saline (they gave me a kit to just 'play with' - no meds, just qcap & saline, etc) and get used to handling the needles & such. All told, it's 12ish days of stims, I can DO this.

Found out that my initial stims dose will be 2x75 bravelle, and 1x75 repronex.... is this average? normal?what was your dose if you've done IVF?

And for part 2 of the post - a couple of articles from twitter today. Well, they're from MSNBC, but I found the link on twitter. THe first is a segment from some portion of today's TODAY show, and the second link is more info on the reporter's struggle with IF. The video segment is pretty bang on, and even though i haven't gone through any of the treatments (yet), it still rang quite true. Thoughts?
MSNBC video clip Psychological impact of infertility